~ i'm with you ~

It’s been two weeks since he heard her voice, since she left him on the jet plane to far away. Counting each second as it passes by, his mind filled the images of the time they both had spent together, of what they spoke of into the late hours of the night after his tiring days at office. His office has kept him busy lately, but he still doesn’t fail to check for a message or a call from her. Wonders in his mind where could she gone missing, clouded thoughts in his head – “if she has gotten sick again”, “if something had happened to her”. He knows of her medical condition, which throws them apart for weeks, which kills him most that he was not there for her before, and what kills him more that he cannot be there for her at her worse. He hopes for the best and dives back to the screen, emails to reply to, project planning, costing, and everything that was laid out for him on his table. He tired many times for her mobile, which doesn’t respond, but this time, he picks up his mobile on his desk, dials out her number. A long silence, his mind blank with the phone held close to his ear, suddenly a “hello”, a familiar voice, a voice that brings out a smile in him any day. Almost jumps out of his seat, returns his happy “HI”, “where have you been”, “why haven’t you even called me”, “what happened to you”, questions thrown at her breathlessly. “hold on, hold on, catch a breath” was her reply. “I’ve been busy darling, my internet is disconnected, my phone was disconnected as well, that why I’ve not been able to call you, I’m sorry”. A long sigh from him, “do you know how much I missed you?”, “what have you done to the guy the who was head strong and was shy to tell you I missed you”, a loud laugh from her was the only reply. His heart felt much relieved like nothing before, he wondering how to wipe that stupid smirk off his face, each time she kept in waiting to talk to him. The conversation ended oh how much she missed him, since she has come back.


Leaves his phone back on his desk, getting back to the routine work, emails, and the many documents to finish before he can leave office. His mind swings back to the minutes that had passed by, thinking about how much he had missed her, since she left, no matter how bad his day may have been, thinking about her only draws a smile on his face – a silly grin on his face each time he thinks about her. Shaking his head in disbelief, wondering what has happened to him with her. Still something disturbing him in the back of his mind, wondering what could it all mean, an uncertainty in his mind. A week passes by with no voice from her, with no words from her online. Working draining his energy and patience, waiting for her everything taking a toll on him, only wants to hear her voice and know she is doing fine. Just a few words with her for a day was his only hope but that’s not what he got. His phones beeping with a name with he had not expected, someone was back in the island, the other end of a dagger – his friend, his worst nightmare all together, the only other person who can easily draw a smile on him. Both plan to meet for lunch, she wants to know all about his relationship, she more than happy for him, more excited than him, that he is going out someone, a steady relationship. She listens to how they both met, how it all started, how much he misses her since she left and how both have been on the edge and not sure of their future. She listens to it all, shakes her head in disbelief, something doesn’t fit in the puzzle for her, and she tries to hide it in herself. He knows to read her through, only to drill more and more and finally she speaks out, “I don’t think she is the one for you, I’m sorry to say it”, “I’m happy for you, you know that, but something’s not right, you need to talk to her.” He just wonders she just said, “are you saying she is not the one for me?”, she replies “I don’t mean in that sense, I think you need to think it threw, you need to be sure if she is really into you and if this is what you want as well, something’s not right”. She was leaving the next day, so little time did they have to speak to each other.


Weeks pass by; still catch each only on a minute or two call with each other. His patience wears real thin with her, on a late afternoon call, he asks her “why are you avoiding me?”, she replies with a long sigh, “nothing darling, I’ve just been really busy with uni and working and tutoring, bills to pay, I’m not doing anything on purpose”, he tries to smile and believe her, but he knows her better – “come on, you can always tell me, I think I can handle what’s keeping you away from me”, a long silence from her, he tries to make her say something , anything – an answer to her silence, her space from him, “hello, knock knock, anyone there?”, “no one here, go away” was her reply. He knew instantly that there was something wrong, something has been troubling her too much to keep away from him, his desire to know only grew. He thinks of what to say, he knows to tick her both ways, he only wants to know an answer, before he could speak out, she speaks out “mom wants me get married soon, she has been pushy”. He tries to take a deep breath but only to stop in the middle and tries to think what he wants to say to her, words rush from his lips - “so let’s get married, tell mom you’ve already have a guy”. No reply from her, few seconds pass by, her reply comes after a sigh, “you know it’s not that easy and you think my mom would just listen to what I say”. Before she could say anything, “don’t you want to be with me?” was the words that come out from him. He knows he shouldn’t have asked her that, but he wanted her to say it out loud to him, she replies “you know the answer to the question, why do you even have to ask that”, he tries to calm her down, “I just wanted to know”. “I’ve got to go now, sorry, I’m in the middle of tutoring someone, lets talk later about his, got to go honey, I’m really sorry” was her quick reply, and before he could say anything the line just disconnects. Holding on to the phone even after the line has been disconnected; he grows furious within him for being such a stupid jerk of asking her if she wanted to be with him, he answers himself, “do you think she would have asked you out if she didn’t want to be with you, you stupid idiot”, a loud groan in his head. He pushes himself back to the busy work life that’s been draining his time and energy.


Fewer words were spoken between the two about her mom wanted to see her in marriage. Each time they both speak, each one tries to hint about it, but only the other to ignore. Tension grows between the two, fewer turn to non in weeks. He decides enough is enough, he wants to break the silence between them, the tension that has mounted; “so what have you decided” he asks her bluntly again, she replies “about what”, “you know what I’m talking about”, she return “no I don’t know”, “what have you decided about what your mom asked from you, about you getting married”. Her usual long silence fills the conversation and he once again breaks the silence and brings her back to conversation – “have you decided”, she replies – “I don’t want to talk about it, leave it be”. He didn’t want to push it anymore with her, he wanted her to open up to him when she felt time was right, but he so badly wanted to ask her if there is anything he can do about it, he fought against his decision, he thought this would change everything, change his life forever and there was no turning back – “why don’t you tell your mom about us, why don’t you tell her that you’ve found someone to be married to”, a short silence followed by “what do you mean”, he follows her words “I mean I want to marry you, would you tell your mother that there is someone already and he wants to marry you”, only to hear a long heavy sigh from her, “leave it alone, I don’t want to talk about it now bubs”. He had no more words for her, he has just asked her if he could marry her, to be with her forever, and the only reply he got from her was not what he was expecting. He understood what she was going through, he put himself on the side and he wanted to be there for her. Before he could say anything, “I’ve got to go now honey; I’m really tired, got a early class tomorrow, bye, we’ll talk later, good night, love you”, he had to zip his words only to “love you too baby, take care, its going to be alright, I’m with you through anything you decide of”, “thanks, bye” was the only words that had come out of her.


Weeks pass by between the two, less words exchanged between the two, his mind now filled with only her thoughts. On one lonely night after a tiring day at office, his heart aches for her voice to fill her mind, he knows its not the time to call her, he scrolls through the pictures of her for the time he doesn’t remember, she filled his little screen with her smile, he was starring at a particular one in which her bright smile always drew a smile on no matter how much of hard day he has had. He puts down the screen and getting ready to head to bed, flips his phone open to read the last message from her before she left him, he still kept it even after, he would always read through it during his hard time when all he needed was some hope, a light that only her words can show.
It one was one gloomy sunday, he had not been to church in a long time, he had lost belief in all that at the loss of his father and more, but today, something in his heart longed to go for it was a marked day in the calendar, it was Easter. He did take time in dressing himself; he was there dreaming one day would make the walk on the isle, but laws and rules of the church and the men who upheld it in pride and glory would never allow let his dream come true, but still he hoped he would be with her forever, no matter in church or not. He takes his leave from the church when the mass has ended. He picks up his phone from his pocket, dialing the one number his fingers never rest, a faint “hello”; his reply was nothing more than his usual one “hey baby, how are you”, her reply in a dull voice “I’m alright, just missing you that’s all”. He tries to find the words to make her even smile a little, something that he hasn’t seen from her in sometime, but her sigh comes before his words, a long heavy sigh, he felt something was wrong with her, his fingers gripped the phone tighter, his ears now could only hear the little sighs and gasp for breath with the rest of the world shut away from his moment. He could hear a slight sob, as the seconds pass and everything else completely deafens around him, he could hear her cry getting heavier, finally she breaks out into a loud cry, all he could from her was only loud cry of pain. For the second time she breaks into tears for him, the first was when she had to return to home away from him. His mind not straight enough to think what could be the reason now for his angel break out in tears. He tries to calm her down, but nothing he can say stops her heavy sobs.


She tries to find words in between her sobs, but she could only come out with more heavy sobs. He wished she would tell him, instead of killing her like this, he couldn’t stand the last time she cried, tears were almost at the corner of his eyes. She tries once again, this time she finds her a few words coming out of her lips, more of escaping from her, “I’ve got to let you go, I can’t do this anymore, I’ve got to let you go”. He felt the pain as though someone jabbed a blunt rusted spike into his heart and only the life to bleed out of him, which he couldn’t stop. His ears deafened, his breath falling short, his eyes doesn’t move, fixated with only a picture of her sobbing in front of him, but only his mind. He collects himself to “it’s alright, I understand, don’t worry about me, I told you I’m with you no matter what you decide”. Her sobs lighten yet continue, “I’m sorry, but I just can’t do this anymore, my parents would never let me get married to you, I’m sorry baby I’ve got let you go, I’ve got to go now” was the last words he heard of her. He phone line goes dead. A loud honk brings him back to the world, which he was taken away from, as he slowly turns to look back and move himself to the sidewalks, slips his phone inside his pocket. No tears, no blood, no wound, his life taken away from him, he doesn’t feel it yet.