Wednesday, May 20, 2009

~ 6 months ago ~

Walking fresh out of the shower, tries hard to dry his messy thick curls, but fails. He gets himself ready for work in a haste and is out of the house, forgetting even to pick up his lunch. "Oh I can always eat from out" he thinks. Walks himself straight to his seat, a "HI" to everyone as he has to pass to get to his desk. Finally in his corner, before anything, logs into his messenger to look for that sweet friend who has been in company through his day and into her wee hours of her morning. As they both live half way across the world, a world apart from each other yet they feel close through technology he thought. His face a little saddened, he doesn’t see her online. With a sigh, he thought he’d wait a little while longer for her to show up, he said to himself "she should still be in college, not back home yet". He lifts himself up from the uncomfortable chair that has been giving him a lot of trouble with his spine and knees. Still disappointed that she has not showed up online yet, his fingers go to the keyboard to lock his terminal, just then he see’s a pop at the right hand corner of his screen, showing her nick name and status as online. A wild glee in his head, a sharp smile draws in his lips. Flops himself back to the chair, only to hurt his back again but ignores it. His fingers reach for the mouse but before he could even move his fingers, his screens blips with a chat window.

Crazy lil Angel: Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiii *hugs*

Crazy lil Angel: How are you today?

Crazy lil Angel: Had lunch yet?

~the game ~: Hiiiiii lil angel… im good, how are you?

~the game ~: Just about to leave for lunch, when you hadn’t come online, waited for you

Crazy lil Angel: don’t wait up anymore, you go have lunch and come back, ill be waiting for you.

Crazy lil Angel: ill have my shower and be fresh n be back.

Crazy lil Angel: oh can he hand me the towel on your way out :P *innocent look*

Crazy lil Angel: oh could you bring me ice cream as well when you’re coming back from lunch

~the game ~: *hands the towel* go have a wash you stinky lil baby: P

~the game ~: *hugs* be back soon

Locks his terminal and leaves for lunch, wonders in his mind, what that about her that makes his day so easily, even during a hard one, she has been with him as a friend, listening to all his babble and what not. Walks away from his desk, reluctantly to get his lunch, he thinks he should be back soon. Rushes through his lunch to come catch up with his only friend, who would leave the rest of the world aside to listen to him and talk to him. That day he felt something more for her, he felt he was supposed to be more for her. But only to brush it away saying, there couldn’t be anything more than the deep friendship they both share and cherish so much. He kept his day and her nights busy with their baby talk; virtual cooking for each other, eating ice cream, talking about how both wanted to live together in the same house in different rooms. He shakes in all disbelief how could someone bring out this side of his personality, which he never knew it existed. He walks back to his seat, eagerly his fingers work on the keyboard to unlock his terminal, a blue blinking bar at the bottom of his screen. He opens up and it reads out:

Crazy lil Angel: I’m back.

Crazy lil Angel: u there?

Crazy lil Angel: wre’s ma ice cream!?!?

Crazy lil Angel: don’t you come back without the ice cream

Crazy lil Angel: *sigh* guess you’re not back yet

~the game ~: I’m back…

~the game ~: how you smelling now.. :P

~the game ~: oh here’s your fav ice cream

~the game ~: *hands you the ice cream and waits for a hug*

Crazy lil Angel: Thanks… no hugs for coming late.. :P

~the game ~: oh well then I guess ill leave you to your ice cream

Crazy lil Angel: no no… wait.. come here, sit next to me

Crazy lil Angel: can I ask you something?

~the game ~: *sits up next to you* sure thing hun, wht is it?

*She pauses for a few minutes*

~the game ~: wht is it?

~the game ~: waiting….

Crazy lil Angel: how much do you love me?

*with no hesitation or second thoughts in mind, nothing dramatic, nothing romantic, he replied*

~the game ~: *with arms wide open* I love you that much……

~the game ~: *hugs* come here sweets…

~the game ~: why did you ask all of a sudden

Crazy lil Angel: *hugs* just wanted to know if you love me enough..

*he continues, with no understanding of what has just happened, but only makes him smile in plain wonder, what has happened all the while*

A week passes on; it still hadn’t struck him yet, what has happened. He goes with his day, as if nothing unusual to say, they both love each other. Until one Saturday he seldom recollects out of the blue, her words in his head, "how much do you love me?" he wonders what she actually meant. Taking too lightly of everything, he shrugs off with his sheepish smile. His world turned upside down in the coming of days; she took control over everything of his. He was not allowed to party without a heated yet but sweet jealous girlfriend conversation. He was to save up for their future, get his debts out of the way. He liked the way she took over his life and day, he wanted someone to take over it, and he wanted her to be there for him through his thick n thin. He knew instantly that she was going to be one. He feared nothing any longer, his lonely days were over. She asked of only one thing from him, to be hers and hers alone. He wanted to be there only for her, promised himself, he his not going let this slip through him, he was to fight it through to the end.

With everything going so well he thought. He had shortened his Friday nights to be at home on the phone with her half way across the world from him, from her home. But she called where she was her 2nd home; she had spent a good part of her life being away from her real home. She knew going back home this time was going to be different, she wanted the coming 3 months that she is going to be with him to be longer. Both spent their time talking about the babyish, sweet innocent coy feelings they had for each other and how they wanted spend their lives together now, living together in the same room, same bed, sleeping in his arms, long cold showers tugged in his arms, fighting over who’s going to cook, silly little things that made each other so happy. It was all to special for him, for he had not felt loved and wanted by a woman like this, so far as he can remember. They’ve not even had the first kiss, not even a glimpse of each other in real since they started this relationship; but he can feel her warmth in her words, her sometimes soft spoken manner, and her usually fiery words for keep him on track. He loved it all; he loved her more than anything he can remember of. Their relationship bloomed over time over the tiny little blue window. He thought to himself, what would have been his days if they both never met, if they both hadn’t bump into each other years ago in a chat room.

He waited through the nights for his angel, he said to himself "the one that is going to redeem from all his sins, the one who is going to show him the light at the end of the darkest tunnel he’s been walking in". He had a deep dark past, his flamboyant night lifestyle, his choice of woman, his silly mistakes in life and his earthly sins, which she was all familiar and known of. He feared that he would let her down in any one of these, to which he would never forgive himself, "never ever in his life" he said to himself. He knew it all too well; this was the last chance he was going to give for himself in live. Everything meant to him, every little word from her and every want of her. He never showed her much of emotions. His flamboyant flirty talk, his witty ways of getting around woman in general, the worst of him – the best of him, had to be benched for her. He didn’t want to lose her for his ways. He’ll never forget his 21st birthday, a large cake in the shape of the key, for which had to give a blushing explanation to his mom from who it was. His laptop had a folder of filled pictures, he wasn’t hiding from her, he showed, this is girl who sent him the cake, from across the world. His mom only returned a smile. His world was coming together he thought, piece by piece. His naïve belief in life was coming back into his. He knew only one thing before - he wanted to anybody, but now – to be one for her.

Their future together was not how both had planned to be, he knew she was coming home for the holiday; he wanted to be there for her, to have the first embrace of her warm body against him. But there was another plan written for the days to come, a sudden business plan, his first break, and his first trip out of the island on work. He was more than ecstatic at what’s coming ahead for him, but she was didn’t want him to go; she knows he would be back in time when she is back in the island. She wanted him to wait for her not the other way around, but she doesn’t know if he would be back in the island before she comes, of even if they would have enough time together for them. He wanted to tell his boss, he couldn’t but she decided for him against that, she wanted him to take the temporary job overseas. He didn’t know long he would be away; it was open ended business trip. He packed his bag and he was away, his call from the airport – she had done something he had asked her not to; cut her hair short. She had done it to piss him off, she told him "I hate you so much right now, see your email". He rushed to office, first thing - rushed to his email, he long hair, was down to half way through, her face frowned in anger of leaving her having to wait. He promised her he’d be back sooner. He found her cute even in her anger, it only took him minutes to mellow her down, bring her back to not hating him for leaving her waiting for him, he promised "I’d be back soon, the very next flight once I’m done here".

He picked up a habit; he started to write about what happened in his day with her, only about her in the journal, he never told her he wrote about them. His lips always wanted to blurt he had something for her to read and maybe understand a little how much he loved her, how much he missed her, how much he wanted of her, but he thought to himself, "all too soon, and never to too late to tell her that he loved her"". By now she was back in the island, picked on to fight every day when called, why he left her waiting, every call had asking "when are you coming back?" and he only returned with "I don’t know, maybe today, maybe tomorrow, maybe never". She would almost slam on the phone on him but she wanted him to be there, missed him dearly. His days of being away from the island was over, he spoke no word about with her.

He picked on the very next flight back to the island. The first number he dialed for was for her, she saw his number on her phone and jumped out in pure joy, she cried his name in glee, he was only about to step out of the flight of stairs, his face smiled much simply that he should have, yet his self composed always had the best of him. They both talked through the night, all the way from the airport to his bed, finally he was home, he felt a lot more than that, his angel was back to be with him he thought. He couldn’t wait for the sun to rise and the clock to strike to the time they were supposed to meet. He waited for this for a long hard yet the happiest 6 months of his life, ever since she had asked him to be with her. He was up before the sun was, but her sunshine was up before him, he looked at his phone that never leaves his palm. 1 New Message – Wake up my baby boy, are you still sleeping? Don’t you want to see me… Can’t wait to see you. Jumped out of his bed and for a long shower, picked out his best for her, he wanted to be at his best for her. There he was waiting at the coffee shop they had planned to meet, where this time he was suppose to wait for her, fair enough he thought.

Looking at his phone screen, waiting for the seconds….

Thursday, May 14, 2009

~ wtf ~

Sorry about the title, but this is call out for INDYANA!!!

I hope your blog deletion has nothing to do with trolls n BS's..

better show up soon :-(

Monday, May 04, 2009

~ leaving on a jet plane ~

With blood rushing all over his body, he has no sense of what has happened so wrong to her. His ear’s running out on patience to know what could be so terribly wrong that has made her weep out in public and his arms. She starts to blurt out for words and only silence and gasp for air comes out from her. He wipes her tears away, moves to an empty couch in the corner. Carrying her bag for her, he leaves it at his side and makes her sit down and let her catch her breath. She curls into his arms once again. Her fingers clutching his collar so tight that she doesn’t want to leave him even an inch of space between them. He brushes through her hair and holds her in one place over his chest, leaving her breath into his skin. His mind tries to hold still and let her come out with what she needs to say to him. No one says a word for time passes by. When she finally opens her eyes, wipes her tears away, holding his hands tight. She blurts out and only a loud sigh that comes out. She holds her breath and a tear at the corner of her eyes, “I have to leave you”.

His mind still blank, rewinding time in his head to figure the words that just came out of her. “You have to leave me?” with no emotions, with no drama in eyes. His eyes completely gone dark n wide. He wished he hadn’t heard what he heard from her. She only blurts out to cry, she has to leave him. He grabs her close to him. He tries again, “what do you mean you got to leave me?” she replies, she has got accepted to go to the university she fancied since she can remember. A loud sigh with relief comes out of him. She puzzled he’s not even moved by this. “Oh that’s great honey, CONGRATS” as he goes to give her a warm hug and tight squeeze. She moves back from him. “Didn’t you hear what I just told you?, I’m leaving on a plane to somewhere you wont see me”. “Your only going away to study, something you wanted, all your life and here is your chance”, he tries to comfort her. She punches into his arms, “Do you always have to be like this?”, punches him once again and pulls herself into his arms to rest a little while. “I’ve been crying ever since I got the letter and couldn’t stop even after talking to you last night”. He shrugs away saying, "its only going to be a only a couple of years, time will fly away honey. You can always come home for summer break or maybe I can come visit you." Her hands go around him and hold him tight. He keeps brushing through her thick dark hair n butterfly kisses on her forehead.

“Do you love me?” spills out from her lips, as he swiftly without wasting a second in silence he replies, “I love you more than anything else in the world, and you know that, and I’m not tired to say it a million times, Now would you like some hot chocolate with marshmallows?. He gets up away from her warmth, to get her something to eat. He knows she hasn’t had anything from last evening. He grabs her sandwich which he knows she is not going to finish, and her favorite strawberry milkshake. Finally a smile on her face when he returns, still dry tears on her cheeks. As she gets up and walks towards the washroom to clean up. He pushes himself back on couch, trying to just figure out what just happened to him in the last 10 minutes. It seemed as though his breath was taken away from him, his life force yanked out of him at the second she said she’s got to leave him. He just closes his eyes and catches his breath for a second. Feeling her fingers going through his rough hair, she pulls him close for quick peck on the cheek. “You know I love you right… Don’t ever leave me please, even if I want to leave” she blurs out. As comforting fortress as he is always, he pulls he up close to him, only to say “never ever.”

She wishes he would ask her not to leave him, but being that he is, what he believed in her, how much he cared about her, he always wanted her to spread her wings wider and go out there and be her best. She was a hard worker, he believed in her more than she believed in herself. Both wanted each other to be better than where they were. He always pushed her to become more, he loved n cared her more than she would know he thought to himself. But she always wanted a simpler life than what he did. Before they both met, they have spent different life separately and together. They both were searching for a reason and purpose in each other.

She parts from him, with much hesitation and reluctance. She knows more than what she has told him. He so naively believed in their dreams. How she always wanted a baby of his, a house just for them, long cold shower while in each others arms. She holds unto his arms tightly, while they both leave, her car waits for her. She gives him one last kiss before they leave, on his right side of the neck. As she takes her lips away from his skin and walks away from his hug, she doesn’t look back this time. He smells her strawberry lip gloss smear over his skin. He waits for her to turn, but she walks ahead in fast stride, as her car pulls he turns and walks away. Still with a naïve smile on his face, as he walks from it al. his phone beeps out – 1 New Text Message, he opens with no hesitation. Reading it in his head, in her voice, “Please don’t leave me ever, I know I’m a difficult person to be with, but I want you with me for the rest of my life. Even if I want you to, would be please stay and fight to be with me.” His fingers quickly moves to punch out, “love you always, no matter where I’m. Good night baby grl. Miss you even now, even though its been only few mins.”

Couple of weeks later, they both make the time to meet each other, just before the day she leaves. He would never forget the day. It was valentines, they both never fancied the overrated day of showing affection, but this time it was different. He had called in a day off, just to even see her beautiful innocent and naive smile of hers, the one that keeps him going in the long hard days at work, when the rest of the world around him crashes. But he was to meet her only for few minutes as she has not even finished packing her bags. He waited out half day, to meet her. They both end up meeting in a haste, he was a little annoyed that she didn’t make it alone, but with her friend. He hides his emotion well under his skin, only to show her happiness that she is there with him. They both act like friends, as her friend was not to know of their relationship. It felt strange to him, but only to understand that her friend was close to her mother and anything spills easily over to the other side could mean disaster, a point of no return for each other, their life’s would change or seize for ever.

They walk around the mall for the final time, in her mind, she thinks, when would she get this long walks, window shopping or even to spend time with him. He takes out for a little treat, asks her to pick anything she likes from the store she strolls in. She picked a couple of dresses, which he jumped to pay for, it drove her mad, it drove her up the walls. She pinches him in front of everyone; she smiles and walks away to the car waiting for her. It ended with a simple hug, He was still left numb, each time she hugs him, there was something about her that he never understood at that moment, when she hastily left him. He tried to grab her hand one last time, just a few more seconds of her soft skin in his hand, but only to find her fingers slip away from his. He stood there watching the car drive away from, he could see her turning her to the back to catch a glimpse of him.

His phone that never stops ringing, thinking its one of those business calls, he picks it up to see a message from “love you baby, happy valentine. Call me tonight, I want to hear your voice before I catch that damned plane, thanks for the dresses.” With a smirk he replies, “anything within my grasp for you baby”. But in his heart he promised to give her a life, the world at her feet, his angel, and his miracle. He often thought to himself, in his silent silly coyish day dream, how lucky he was to be with her, after all that he’s been through, and he thought life still has something for left. Just one last person, who completely loves him for the way he is and wouldn’t change anything about him. But he has come along way, from the player type that he was, to melting at every word of his woman to be. He thought to himself, this is one time I’m not going to give up easily on. I’m going to fight, and until the end, even if its six feet under.

That night, he called to speak to her, but only to get a busy tone. He tried again and again and again, but still the busy tone, wondering if he should call her on her home line. He denies the urge to call her on that, try once more a voice in his head. He tries, with the luck of his stars on his side, she answers in a plain “hello”, he replies in a high pitch glee “hi”. “I cant talk right now, mom around, can I call you from the airport?”, he shrugs in disappointment, “sure, talk to you later.” She hung up on the other side, before he could even open his mouth to tell her that he loves her. Couple of hours pass by, with still no return call from. Voices in his head echo, “she must be going through immigration now, wait a few minutes”. His patience wears thin as he picks up the phone to call her, no answer on it, tried again, still no answer, tried again, only to find a tired n sad “hello baba”, he replies without showing any sad emotion, trying to cheer up, “How are you my baby girl, so you finally get the chance to run away from me”, laughs in a evil glee. She returns sharply “you really thing I want to leave you?, don’t you dare be checking out girls while I’m away” and she asks for a hug over the phone, and he replies “one real tight hug just for my baby, coming right up”. Both of them laugh away at each other’s childishness in them, even after ageing. He senses her tiredness in her voice as her laugh slips into a long sigh. “So would you miss me”, he asks. Lately both of them have not had the time for each other, he working on a new project for the company, while she was busy with packing and letters and restless situation at home.

They both say bye to each other, he waits until she went off on him, and she was waiting for the same of him. Both of them push out a long sigh, and he comes out first, “I’m going to miss you more than ever, take care baby, don’t be much of a naughty girl now” and she replies, “I’m going to miss you like nothing; you just don’t know how much I love you”. They both go on to say bye for the last time, “love you, kiss kiss”. He knows that she leaves to a land half way across the world from where he is, but he holds on to hope and dreams she has given him, one day they would be together, soon, very soon. As he goes through the messages she has sent him over the months they’ve been together, smiling at each and every message from her. He puts his phone down, takes a walk on the balcony, where he spent hours of every night on phone conversation with her when he comes home after work. She has left him with memories that would last him a life time, which he would drag it with him even to eternity. But something in his mind is not right, a hunch, an intuition, that something is not right, the way she has been with him. Somewhat colder than her usual warm n fussy baby like nature. He shrugs off all doubts in his head. He wants to be with her, no matter what comes in the way, he promised to her, he would love her forever.

She settles herself on the window seat, looking out for hope, as she leaves the island and her man behind for a childhood dream, her life long hard work which is waiting to her hers today. She wishes she hadn’t applied for it, this was before they both met each other, before she fell in love with a man who couldn’t be more rusty on the outside and so soft and cushy inside. She loved his passion, his talking, she would spend hours in front of him watching him talk, go on and on and on about anything. She put her arms around her, a voice in her head “He deserves to know everything, you should have told him everything, he would understand and still love you every little bits of you”, another voice echoes against that “He deserves to be happy, my work with him is done, he’ll move on, I’m just another girl to him…”. Sound of the roaring jet engine brings her back to reality, a tear at the corner of her eye, dribbles down on her cheeks. She closes here eyes and tries to remember his warmth one last time. She is leaving on a jet plane, leaving him behind, leaving her love behind. His voice inside her head “I’m going to miss you more than eve.. I’m going to miss you more th…. I’m going to miss you” as she slowly drifts into sleep. With the engine roaring away from the tarmac, lift off and away. His hopes flies away with her, her heart so heavy that even she couldnt not carry. He slips away to bed, thinking of how long will it take for them to meet again. For him to feel her warmth, her love, her smile, those dark, glistening peircing eyes. He's dozed off before he even realises that sleep has taken over him.