~ sinful escape ~

They both enjoy the Sunday breakfast in bed. She was in his arm, that’s all she wanted of him, his closeness, to make him forget about his pain. She began to say “I have something to tell you”. She paused to look into his eyes, if she should really tell him what she wanted to get off her chest. He raised his eyebrows as he sips his coffee only to blurt out, “go on, tell me”. She replied with a heavy sigh, took his cup of coffee from his hand, got out of his arms and sat on his lap, with her legs on either side. She moved her hands to his cheeks, running her left hand through his hair, running through his think curls, “I have something to tell you and please don’t be mad at me”. She paused once again, with an emotionless smile on her face, sighed again and began “I just found out”, sighed again and stopped her words, taking a deep breath once again and she tried not to swallow her words once again, “I caught my husband cheating on me”. She stopped her words, took her hands away from him and she moved away from him as he sat there motionless biting his lips and listening to what she was saying.

“tell me something, tell me anything” pleading to him, as he sat there motionless. She tried to grind off him, she got on her knees to get off him, he stopped her, holding her left hand and pulling her on top of him. She fell on top of him, she looked into his eyes, his lips opened slowly which all the while was not moving, “it’s alright, I know what its like to lose someone you love”. She sighed in relief, he could feel her body heaving against him and she closed her eyes and laid her head softly on his bare chest. A soft cry as tears rolled from her eyes onto her cheeks and then on his body, he lifted her chin up, wiping the tears away from her face, “ didn’t we agree on no regrets, no thank you, no sorry”, she nodded softly and threw her hand around his neck and laid her head once again on his chest. It’s been sometime since she had laid there on top of him like this, he stroked through her long dark hair and tried to swallow the words in his mind, but he couldn’t. Before he could begin to say anything, she began to say “do you have to go”, there was pain in her words and he knew of the pain in some way. “not if you want me to” he smiled at her, trying to take her pain away. She looked up to his eyes; she smiled back softly, “please stay”.

He rolled her away from his body and get out of bed, she was on her back looking at him, her chest heaved up and down with a loud sigh and “so all that was just a tease” was the question she managed to ask her after fighting with it inside her mind, watching him get dressed, as he teasingly said “who said I’m leaving” as he winked. She quickly got herself straight up from the bed, “what do you mean”, “now can I have my shirt please” and she replied pleadingly “no, don’t leave me, I’m not going to give you the shirt”, he stood there holding his jean pocket, “do you want me to take you around without a shirt” with a evil smirk on his face. Her face lit up in excitement and then the next second her bright smile went away. He asked her “why the saddened face now”, “well you know why” was her soft sad reply, “no I don’t know why” was his response to her, “you know I can’t be seen out with you”, he stood there with disbelief, “ is that your problem, who said anything about going around in this town”. She was on her knees on the bed, unbuttoning his shirt she was wearing all the while, with a quizzical look on her face she asked “what do you mean”, “I mean we are getting out of this town, I’ve already got a room booked at the hotel”, she was shocked at his words, she paused unbuttoning for a sec, “and when did you plan on telling me this, why don’t you want to stay here with me”. He moved closer to her, she still could smell his perfume on his neck, as she threw her arms around his neck, he tried to take the shirt off her body, “I wanted to surprise you and to tell you the truth, I’m not comfortable in sleeping in another man’s bed”, he was strong with his reply. He took the shirt from her, “come on, let’s get out of here”.

She couldn’t say no to him or yes to him, she was fighting for a reply in her head. She knew she had already crossed the fence and now there was no point in looking back. She pulled herself together and made up her mind, she was going to have the best Sunday. As she was getting dressed, “what about your clothes”, “oh we’ll get something on the way or pick it up on the way”, she surprised herself at saying yes to eloping away from the city, from her house, her bed, which has tormented her all this while, a much needed sinful escape she thought. He was waiting for her until she changed herself to more than skin, stood there watching her robe herself with every piece of garment she needed to get out of the house. She covered herself in embarrassment with her hand and turned her back to face him. “oh, so you shy to show me your nudity to me now”, she replied quickly, “yes I’m” and yet he stood there, “move it” she said with a raised voice followed with a giggle. He was on the large black leather couch, thumbing away a text, she came from behind and pulled the phone away from him, “you are not going to get this until we get back” she put it away in her bag, “let me at least finish the text” he said, she denied him saying, “she can wait until we get back, today you promised to be with me and you better keep that promise”. He sighed and asked her “we all set”, she came close to him whispered in his right as she let her hand wrap around his broad waist “I’ve got something special”, he looked at her with a evil grin once again, “if you say so”. She led him out of her house, pulled her shades down from her head to cover her eyes from the world, but everyone in the building knew her, she was mostly known by her surname.

She was driving seat today, “are we getting your clothes on the way or you picking up the beach shorts I got you last time” she asked him, “oh yes, that’s exactly what I had in mind, let’s go pick up my clothes” was his reply. She sped away close to his and parked closer to his house “I’ll wait here” she said and he got out of the car. He was back in the next few minutes. “so where are we going now” she asked him, he said, “just keep driving”. Soon they were out of the bustling city and the seashore line’s came to their view, she wanted to feel the breeze rush past against her face, she felt an excitement running all over her body, she glanced at him, through her dark shades. “keep your eyes on the road” he said, “you think I can’t keep my eyes on you and the road” she questioned him, “I bet you can” he replied and pulled down his aviators to cover his eyes. They reached the hotel sooner than she anticipated, but she wanted to be one with his skin. He finished up picking the keys and he had gotten the room on the top most floor of the hotel, he picked up her bag and she walked hand in hand with him. Still her shades covering her eyes and hiding her anxiety, excitement, the thought of getting away from the city to a faraway place with him. She never imagined she would be where she is now, but here she was with him. He led the way to the suite, locked the door behind them. He dropped the bags and grabbed from him behind, almost startling her, his lips came down on her fair skin, her long jet black hair was between his lips and her skin, she pulled them away to once again feel his skin touch hers and send thrills all over her body. She pulled his hands tighter around her waist, drawing him closer, his broad shoulders helped him almost cover her from behind; she threw her head back on his shoulder, trying to reach and to nibble his ear, but failing. She turned around to face him, she got out his embrace, he stood there puzzled, she pulled her top over her head and walked to the bedroom, he followed her right behind her, she led him to the room with her hand in his and he gave her fingers a gentle squeeze.

She stood close to the king size bed, waiting for him to come take her, she needed him more. He was like a drug that she could not get enough of, she thought to herself. He came next to her, taking off his t-shirt, “I need to shower” he said, as he walked away from her pulling the towel from his bag, she pulled the towel from his hand “look who’s shy now” she said to him a teasing tone. “you can keep it” and he took off his shorts “and I’m not shy”, winked back at her and kept walking towards to the bathroom and left the door open. She could see him from where she was standing; she was still holding his towel in her hand, watching him get wet was provoking her thoughts to join him. She tried as much to resist the temptation of being there next to him in the shower; finally she gave in, “what the hell” she thought, before she threw the last piece of the silky piece of cloth that was covering her skin. She joined him from behind, running her hands on his broad shoulders, cold was drizzling down his spine, slowly let her hands brush against his body and the guzzling water she reached forward to his chest and held him tight. He could feel her skin one with his one, in a tight embrace she stood there getting herself wet. He turned around put his arms around her, held her tight, lifting up her chin, eyes closed, he moved closer to her lips and stopped just a breath away, she leaned forward, for she longed for his kiss since she got out of the house and now she was in state of euphoria. Her mind told her, this was just the beginning.

Her hands ran wild over his back; his hands held her hip in a steady position as their lips went at each other like lovers who didn’t have a tomorrow, well no one knows what tomorrow brings. Against the gushing water, their skin dashed against each other making the sound of water splash, thrills ran over her body like never before, or at least not in the recent time and she loved every second that she was with him. He gave her that feeling of being wanted, in the back of her mind she knew this was all wrong, but she couldn’t be bothered anymore with the pain and loneliness. She reached up to him on her toes and pushed him against the wall, he was surprised at her move, even she was, like someone else has taken over her body and she liked that feeling inside her. Her hands ran wild through his thick curls, she clutched the end of this curls tight, and his hands were caressing her wet back, her chest now crushed against his strong chest. She brought her left hand down to run on his chest, running her nails on his chest, followed his sigh in pain, they broke off the kiss, he could see 3 small red lines on his chest, she came down to kiss on them, he stepped out of the shower, took the towel from the counter , a large white towel. She stood there facing him, he wrapped the towel around her, tucking the end in on the front and she wrapped one around his waist. He lifted her off her feet to her surprise, “put me down” she squealed, words which fell to deaf ears. “you think I’m not strong enough” he said, “your strong enough, but I’m heavy, now don’t put me down” she quickly threw her hands around his neck.

He walked over to the bed and laid her down slowly, as she rolled to the other end of the bed; the knot that kept the towel around her body came loose. He stood there watching fair wet skin, she tried to cover herself with the towel and he pulled them away from her. He joined her in bed, crawling up to her, as he came on top of her, she loosened the knot that kept his towel at his waist and she was slowly closing her eyes as his lips kept inching towards hers. Her eye lids and she would feel his lips against hers. She longed for this from him, if not for him, she thought it would have been some guy she didn’t even feel anything. Just some random guy who got a lucky screw she thought to her. With him she had a sense of security; she had known him for some time. She let loose of all her fears and hold backs, he let herself free with him, her hands once again ran through this thick wet curl ends, clutching them hard, and other hand running over his back.

He broke from the passionate lip lock, trailing his lips down to her chin, to her neck, as he slowly bit on her neck, a she responded with hers on his neck, very soon something that’s going to be questionable if he went out with high collar. Sighs and hisses of hers filled the room.

~ fat ~

"dude u've gotten fat / buffed / put on / heavy" is the comment i get from ppl these days who havent seen me in sometime and when we bump into each other. What prompted me to write this, i got this comment twice on one night.. :D had one of those weekend right from friday to sunday partying and yes im standing - at 3 in the morning at work. Fridy night at LUSH ended somewht early, Saturday at Zouk as long hrs into Sunday morning and followed with afternoon at the beach. i actually felt good getting out this much after a very long time..on the other hand, drinking was at all time low, i think the whole of the weekends drink would have summed to my normal one night partyin!! dissappointing on tht account though..

back to the topic, yeh i've gained about 10 since i stopped hitting the gym the last 6 months, eating sleeping sitting in one place, eating sleeping... work routine.. you get the pic, thats wht i've been doing. so that has left my body to expand or rather not fit atleast, not tht im the size of a big pig... well i dont know - 5-10, 80K, dark, bad afro.. wht do u say?!?!? . i've never really bothered until the frequent comments, not that im bothered, just wanted to know how to reply back..? Excuse (keyword) i use is "I've stopped working out" but i dont know how long i can use it for....

- Simple - Thank you?

- more sarcy - You look ugly.

- Simple - Just smile?!?!?

just a bored musing on a monday morning as im about to get off from work (its still 10.30) :-P mmmwwwaaahhhaahah...

on another note - wht do you ppl think of the story so far, i've managed to write 8 chapters, for a guy who failed english in skool. but i can promise the next two chapters would be treat if you'll plan to stick around.. :P or not hehe. you'd have to tell me. my style of writing has changed, i dont know how many like it or dont. want to know what you'll think how its been so far.

Hope everyone had a good weekend (was it trick or treat) and have a good weeek....

~ things will never be the same ~

She stood up from the bed, he was trying to hold her back with his hand, she turned to look over her shoulder with a smile that didn’t have a definite meaning, yet she began to keep walking towards the sliding door of her balcony. She opened them slightly the cold wind was blowing her hair away from her skin, she opened them even more, he could feel the cold wind brush against his face. The sound of wind blowing from the balcony was filling in the room; he couldn’t bear the silence and the questions that were building in his mind. He still hasn’t gotten the answer to his question, “why is she doing all this for him”, he thought of it enough and he stood up from the bed, moved towards her. He was standing right behind her, his hand stretched out to the railing; his chest leaned against her back resting his chin on her shoulder. Still no words have been spoken between the two, he knew she had an answer to his question but the silence between the two has grown too much and he couldn’t stand it anymore.

He began with a sigh, bringing his hands closer to hers on the railing, he whispered silently in her left ear “you still haven’t answered my question”, she let out a sigh and turned around to face him, with her hands around his neck, her head resting on chest, “can I skip the question” was her reply. He didn’t understand why she didn’t want to answer him, but he was not going to keep pressing the question at her, her tone was such he hadn’t heard before. He knew better now, when to ask a question and not to press at it. He slowly brought his arms around her, holding her tight, “we should go in”, as he tried to turn her, “can we wait here”, and he held her even tighter with a sigh. Few minutes later, she withdrew her hands from his neck, with a smile at the corner of her lips, “its getting too cold, lets go in” as she walks towards the room taking him by his hand. She lets him walk in, pulls the sliding door to shut, the room left chill by the wind, the sound that was filling the room was shut out now. It was only the two of them, a bed, a light, the chill air from the air conditioner, the table beside her bed, a larger mirror on the wall, a closed wooden wardrobe. She draws the curtain close, dims the light, he stood there with his back towards her, she came behind him, she let her right hand slip under his arm and moved in front, when her left reached in front and clutched on his shirt at his shoulder. She held herself tight against him, she needed that warmth and she had forgotten what it likes to be in his arms. He stood there feeling cold at the same time his body was reacting to her closeness.

Her left hand fingers trailed from shoulder to his collar to his top button, only to feel it unbuttoned already as she comes down slowly, as she unbuttons one after the other until its let loose. She takes a step back moving away from his body and taking his shirt off him, he turns around to face her, she takes a step forward, running her fingers through his thick hair, as he comes down to take away the light, she last remembers his dark eyes looking deep into hers before she closes her eye lids. She felt her lips being sealed by his, she felt her heart beat rising, her chest heaving against his and he stood there still unmoved yet. She was wanting for the moment to last; she wanted the time to be still. He felt her waves of intense passion passing through her. He wanted to stop her there, but he couldn’t, he wanted more of her, his hands moved on both sides of her, drawing her close, for the first time he wanted her. They both moved to the bed, her fingers went to the switch right next to the head rest, still locked in each other’s passionate need for that physical intimacy, her fingers stumble upon the switch to turn it off. Brings her fingers back to brush it through his thick hair once again and hold him steady.

Their passion was only getting more tensed as each second passed. He broke away from the kiss, her eyes slightly open, her fair face looks flushed, he noticed that she didn’t have any make up on her and in his mind he thought, and she looked more beautiful than the artificial skin over her real beauty. A soft smile, she asked him “what is that you see new in me today”, he moved his upper body back, resting his hands on the soft bed, she was sitting on top of him, with her legs on either side, he paused for longer than he second, in his mind he had one answer, but his lips blurted out to say something else, “you look more beautiful in this darkness, without any make up, on top of me”, she giggled and feel on his chest throwing her hands around him, she softly kisses on his cheeks, his hands quickly come around her. She whispers in his ear, “do you have any plans for tomorrow morning” still resting her cheek on his, with a soft kiss on he right cheek he replies “if you want me to leave before your husband shows up tomorrow morning, its alright, you can say it straight away”. She moves away from his body and punching his arm, once again she wiggles her hand in a slight pain, “what are you” she pauses and looks deep into his eyes, like the look of a longed lover, “would you like to have some breakfast with me tomorrow” she looks into his eyes for an answer, he pauses, “only if you promise to let you take you next friday night”. She slaps his arm once again, “so your not going to come see me until then”, she giggles softly and falls back on his chest, putting her hands around him pulling him for a tighter embrace, “yes, you can take me out next friday” with that she closes her eyes and resting on his chest, she could hear his heart beat in a perfect rhythm but only against hers. He runs his long finger through her hair softly, until his finger tips meets the end of her long straight her. He fights the thoughts of his only love, for he is with another woman, in her apartment, in her bedroom, with her on top of him. He was letting the guilt run deep into his skin, blood, his mind, he wanted to shatter every memory of her love, the pain, everything about her. Tonight he made a promise to himself; he would never be the same guy he promised he would be forever to his love.

He took her into his arms in a tighter embrace, lifting her body in his arms as he laid her next to him. They both made love, the word love only in the physical sense, into the nights until she retired in his arms, she turned around, letting him snuggle her from behind. Her face blushed, her body feeling weak and tender; she was laying there right next to him. The night’s coldness made her want his warmth more, she pulled up the sheet to cover her body and she was feeling shy for the first time for the night. She pulled his arm around her, her hair was brushing against his face, tickling him and she pulled them in front to cover her naked neck. She closed her eyes within few minutes and he laid there trying to wash away his emotions with guiltiness. He knew that nothing will be the same again. His eyes closed in the following minutes.

His arms felt empty, when he tried to open his eyes, flashes of memory of last night run wild in his head. He managed to draw a smile as he barely opened his eyes and there she stood, waiting with a cup of coffee in her hand. “Rise and shine boy, tired of last night”, she stood there in his white shirt and nothing else, handing him his cup of coffee. He sat up, pulling the sheet over, “morning” he said, he smiled back at him, walked over to her bed, “good morning” she replied. She sat next to him, she pulled his left arm over her and around her neck, he pulled her closer, a soft peck on her lips, she said “thanks for last night, I didn’t think you were going to show up”. He cheekily replied, “though we agreed on no thanks, no regrets”, she shyly replies “yes, I take it back” she kisses him back.

They both enjoy the sunday breakfast in bed. She was in his arm that’s all she wanted of him, his closeness, to make him forget about his pain. She began to say “I have something to tell you”

~ the morning after ~

A thin ray of light goes across his face, the mid morning warm sunlight making him feel stuffy. Rubs his eyes with his left hand, scrunching his cheeks, trying to open his eyes but failing to, his head resting on an unfamiliar cream colored pillow larger than his usual one. A cold shiver runs across his body, lifting himself off the bed in one jerk, flashes of memory from last night running inside his head, making him remember how he ended up in this bed. Calls out for her in a low voice, soft tone, but nothing other than his own echo filling the room. Getting off the bed in much reluctance, he couldn’t stay any longer; he didn’t have any reason to be there the morning after. Turns his head to his left to the bedside table, to find a large white mug with a yellow post it note under it. A soft hideous grin on his face, he gets off the bed, picks up the mug, pulling the note off bedside table. Reading it in his mind, “ going out to get some stuff, help yourself for some breakfast, car keys on the front table, ill pick it up in the evening, c u soon xoxo, p.s. thanks for last night.” Crushes the paper in his palm as he sips the coffee, looking around for his red sweatshirt and his denim, he finds them on the rack by the side of the bed.

He pushes the curtains aside and the bright sunlight hitting his face making him squint his eyes, brings his arm over his eyes as he turns his back to the light, looking at the cream clean sheet double bed, flashes of memory of last night runs through his mind, running both his through this thick hair, feeling the cream on his fingers, thinks to himself, “he needs to wash off everything from last, but this is not the place” gets into the jeans and pulls the sweatshirt over his head, putting his shoes on in a haste, almost ironic how he began last night, how he was rushing to the cab. Picking up the keys and rushing out to the car at the basement, speeding away from the car park to the roads and finds himself back at his house soon. Opens the door, walking into empty hall, feeling lucky he doesn’t have to answer those pressing question where he was last night to his mother. Picking up the towel he rushes over to the shower. A nice long cold shower to wash away the cream off his hair, the sin of his skin from last night he thought, but this sin was not going wash away from his skin soon. His phone screen starts flashing of a name, not sure if he should pick up the phone, picks it up with no second thought as seconds pass. “Hey baby, where are you” a sweet soft voice on the other end, “just got home and after a shower, thanks for last”, she cuts him short, “no thanks, no regrets, got it?” in a more stern and pressing tone. “fine, no regrets, no thanks, can I take you out for dinner”, “is this a pity dinner or is this a cue card for round 2” in a more sheepish tone from her. “I want to see you”, ill come pick you up from home”, she cuts him short again with long sigh “no, come over, I’ll cook, I’m not that bad”, “ok, see you at 8?” she replies, with a sigh he replies “sweet, see you at 8”

Feeling drowsy, he finds himself on the bed, flash of memory of last night strikes him once again of how he was on another bed, skin to skin, chill air filling the room, the way her fingers went over his back, pulling him on top of her, his large frame covering the light from the overhead dimmed lights. His hands resting on the soft mattress, her finger nails trailing over his spine, as she finds her finger tips on the ends of his curly hair, as she tangles his hair around her index finger and letting rest of her fingers of her right hand to hold his head steady by his hair, as he moves closer to her pout lips. He shakes his head and pulls a pillow over his head and letting eyes his close with the light fading away from his window blinds as the sunsets. Time pass, opening his eyes half way through after he feels a vibration close to the pillow, his phone screen blinking the name of the sad puppy face friend from the club. “hi” in a stern voice, “hello” back in a sleepy tone, “thanks for standing me up last night, I called to say I don’t want to talk to you again, bye” in a want to be rough tone. “Oh well like I said I had to go somewhere and got held up” replies still in a much sleepy tone, “what time is it” he asks. She rudely cuts him off, “why are you late to go somewhere, if you are, I’m happy”. “Oh come on, I’ll tell u later what happened, can I know what time is it?, “it’s half past 8”, he raises himself from the bed in one jerk, “what”, she replies quizzical “what, I said it’s half pat 8”, “oh shit I’m late”, she cuts off him again, “late for what, for your man whore shift?” in a much more rude tone. “I don’t have time for this, and you wouldn’t get it, I’ll call you later, I got to run”. She almost barks at him, “FINE, HOPE YOU GET NOTHING TONIGHT”, he replies to her “oh I love you too, call you tomorrow” hangs up in a haste and rushes to the shower, out of if in a whisk. Picking up the white shirt with blue pin stripes, something that he picks up for a night out in his relaxed jeans, rushes out of his door to the car and speeding away in the direction of the lady in red lingerie in the high tower of the city.

Straightens down his shirt, hiding the bunch of flowers and bottle of champagne behind him which he picked up in haste on the way; knocks on the door softly, “come in, its open” was the soft answer from other side of the road, he pushes the door with his foot, as he walks in and locks the door behind him. She walks up to him, throws her right hand over his neck, pulling him close to her, “you are late” with her cheek on his. “well I went to pick you these and they did take time” as he hands her the flowers, only a state of shock on her face with a slight blush, “you shouldn’t have” as she take the flowers from his hand, puts both her hands around his neck and pulls him for a closer hug, a little longer this time. She leads him to the leather couch, another sudden flash of last night, he pauses for a second as she leads him and pushes him to the couch. He flops down on the cushy leather couch, “no lights?” half quizzical and half amused why the lights were out, was the only question he could come up with. “Do I even have to answer that question?” was her quick witty reply. She walks into the dim of the kitchen, he pulls himself from the couch to walk towards the curtains thats hiding the light that’s light up the city and tonight he watches the same city only difference is the 15 floors.

Her finger tips crawling on his shoulder, feeling her nails even over his shirt, he puts his arms behind him to pull her closer as he softly falls on his back and right hand going over his shoulder and the other around his waist. She stays on for a little longer, both stand motionless; her head resting on his shoulder, his eyes fixed on the moving and still lights of the city, it was like watching abstract art in motion he thought. She pulls her hands slowly away from him; she pats him on his hard back, “let’s have dinner, hope you are hungry”, she questions him with soft smile drawn on the corner of her lips, “hope you didn’t cook” was his quick reply, as he finishes his words her right fist punches to his rib, only to withdraw her hand wriggling them in air in slight pain, “what are you?” as she moves away and pulling him along with her by her hand, he picks up the bottle of champagne as he passes the leather couch. A table set for two, lit by only a candle in the dead center, he sits her down and joins opposite her. “Your last chance of backing out from my awful cooking”, she says with half a smirk, “I think ill take my chances” was his quick reply. “Oh my goodness, I never knew you could cook so well”, was the compliment he could give her. He could still make out that she was blushing, even in this darkness. They wrap up dinner quick and he goes to settle on the couch with her larger screen on her wall lighting up the room a little more. She cleans out the table in haste as she puts them away behind the kitchen door which she closes and walks over to him. She slides slowly on the arm of the couch as she slips on top of his lap, pulling her dress down over her exposed fair thighs. “Hey no peaking” as she move his face away from her thighs to face her. He can only draw a large grin, looking deep into her eyes, pushing his hands around her waist, her hand holding his face in a still position, still looking deep into her eyes, “what are you getting from this?” was a question he has been wanting to ask. A soft sad smile was her reply, “I want to know why” he was persistent and he wasn’t going to let go. “You want to know why” and a pause before her next words.

~ bloggers i've met (tagged) ~

Well not alot...Sorry to disappoint. only two blogger i know personally or in real is the all popluar *drum roll, loud trumpet, multicolored balloons, fireworks, u know the whole works*.....

your none other than...

~ LADY DIVINE ~ well i know her ever since i've been in sl (minus 1yr), been in the same skool. we kinda lost touch after i quit skool early, but bumped into each other and after work n different paths, totally lost touch until we met online..wonders of msn, we wre back together talking away..through my turmoils n female drama's.. i think she was like the first few of my reader of emo posts, back then i was scribbling on myspace is it.. cant even remember(was limited to only a very very very few ppl). She is indeed DIVINE i tell you, one of the most sweetest ppl i've met in ma life, who is there to listen any time..

~ Thacks ~ the second blogger, 1st stranger to meet in person. Very nice guy, damn down to earth, always has words of wisdom like a older brother. met him a couple of times i think before he left to another land. awesome designer, all you ladies should get in touch with him, but he has to come after me. deal?!? hehe im glad i did meet him.

i think the post ends there... :) sadly i've not met anyone in person though i know a few ppl more than whats said in the blog i guess.

First few ppl who happen to drop on the blog, after the move was:

Sweet Idiot - She was like the first to comment on my initial days of public posting(move over from spaces to blogger and added to kottu)

Evil Lankan ~ he was the first to comment on my post n we kinda clicked. he was like the older version of then evil me.. :D guy has not posted anytin in a long long time. wonder wht he is doing now!!

then came along Featherman, Thacks and lot of ppl to the recent more ones..

I know this post is like the worst of wht i've written so far, been in draft for over 2 weeks i think.. i just want to get rid of it.. until i move to the next ones.

how come no one said anythin about the latest chapter..?!?! skipped out on everyone or was it boring?!?!

~ get me out of this club ~

The purple laser lights keeps lighting his face up every second n then and in between a red. He sips his poison from the short and fat glass. This is his second for the night. Taking the last draw of the poison looks into the empty glass and somehow his reminds of him eventually. He is going to be that empty glass eventually. Music blaring loud, the tunes which he danced to happily, endlessly into the wee hours until he has had too many to drink too many to stand straight and legs starts to go numb from moving on the floor, but not tonight. His head usually nodding to the sound of beat, his fluid legs moving suave on the floor, none of it today, his left hand stuck in his left jean pocket, his right on the glass holding it tighter, as he holds it up to the barmen nodding his head for another, his legs stuck in one place like two pillars of a fortress. The barman pours right from the bottle, looks into the poison bashing against the glass and filling up, still waiting to fill more than the last time he filled it, asks him to stop when it reaches almost half the glass, “rough night boy?” asks the elderly barman, his usual. Nothing other than a soft sad smile on this face as reply, the barman nods back. A mutual pain understood by each other. Picks up the mixer, just a little to mix with the poison, way less than the time he started tonight. He came out for all out tonight, he looks over his shoulder, making sure his friends having a good time. He isolated himself from them; he didn’t want to drag them down with his sorrow. Nods his head at one of them, the one who has been watching over him, helping him silently cope with all the pain, she waves at him to come over imitating a sad puppy face. He turns his head back, feeling a strain on his neck, takes another sip of his favorite poison, making him feeling a little sick, scrunching his face, holding his muscles tight, takes another long sip from the glass. Feeling a burning sensation rushing down his gut making him remember he hadn’t had anything to eat since afternoon. Looks to his right, known by face, unknown by names, smiles at them, returned with a nod and smile. Goes back to sipping his poison, feeling long slim fingers running on his back, all the way up to his neck, as he slowly turns his head and his body follows.

A well too familiar face with a sheepish grin, “hey babe” as her right hand goes over his neck, drawing him closer, his right around her waist and left around her back as she pecks on both his cheeks, a smile on the corner of his lips. “Drinking alone?”, “well no, my friends are over there”, still her hands over his shoulder, his around her waist, change in the music track, she turns her to face him with a sheepish grin and pulling him away from the bar, his feet still like two pillars, she turn around to him, “come on, your coming to dance with me”. Pushing himself off the bar stand rest and follows her to the fiber glass dance floor. His feet still doesn’t move much, she comes closer, turns around, taking his hand around her hips, whispers softly into his left ear “where’s my favorite dance partner?” replies only with a smirk as he rolls her out and pulls her back to knock against his body, twirls her around over head and pulls her back, her right hand going over his shoulder and holding him close, he whispers in to ear, “he’s here”. His feet thudding on the floor to the beat, as he swings her out, pulling up his sleeves on his sweatshirt, holding on to his buckle as he bust a move, swirling around her and his hand holds on her hip from behind, making her groove along with him as his hip moves left to right back n forth. She remembers how he moves, his feet does its twist and thudding on the fiber glass floor, raises his head up accidently brushing his lips over lips. He stood there frozen for a second; the DJ changes the track to heavier beat, his favorite track, a slight screech in awe, as she jumps up n down. A slight relief for him, as she takes the change in role in being the dance partner, swirling around him as she enacts the song, lends her hand out and pulling him closer turns her back to him, her hands around his neck, pulling him closer as he runs hands from her hip to the front of black deep neck top.

His heart skips a beat as he feels her hip tensely going against his hip, her right hand holding hold on his hand even closer, pulling them more closely. He twirls her out of his arm, to face her, her face slightly blushed, he could make that out even in this darkness with different shades of color running over her face n body. He glances below her neck, down to her bosom as he races his eyes back to her face. He turns his head the other way in embarrassment; she traces his eyes and even when it came back to her face. She walks closer to him, pulling him by his sweat shirt collar, almost as if a whisper in his ear among the musci she hushes out "let’s get a drink". He turns around and takes her hand in his, she stands still and then walks up to him when he stands still, whisper in his ear “drink only, you and me, say bye to your friends, will be waiting outside, don’t keep me waiting”. As she walks away from him from the floor, dodging other happy people, he looks around to see more couple in each others arms, faces sunk into necks, hands running over backs, shakes his head for a reason he didnt know.

Walks up to his bartender, pulling out his wallet, handing out the plastic, “calling it an early night son?” was the shot from him, “ya, I got company” was his reply, “you picking up the tab on the table of your friends?”, “ya, what ever has been ordered, taking it on the card”. Signs off the slip and takes the couple of notes to tip off his bartender, “have a good night”. He pulls out his phone and texts his friend, the one with puppy face who asked him to come over, “Sorry, I got to run out for a while, will be back soon, don worry about the drinks, it’s on me, enjoy it while I come back.” He takes the bottle of champagne and heads straight at the dark green overhead light board 'EXIT'.

As he walks out, the music shuts behind him, shaking his head to get his hearing to meet the ambience, hearing a horn, as he looks ahead, she waves for him. Walking over with the champagne and he gets in from the passenger side. Lifting up the bottle, “got your favorite drink, still like it don’t you?” she kisses him on his cheek, “save the sweet talk honey, its going to be a long night” as she wheels off from the gravel strip leading out from the gates of the club. Quickly making her way to her apartment car park, locking the car, as they both make it to the lift, level 15 lights up when she swipes her card, making it out of lift together, as he runs his left arm around her waist, pulling her closer and kissing on her soft hair. She opens the door, walks him in and locks it behind him. Make yourself comfortable, let me freshen up, as she starts to walk away from him, he pulls her by her hands, she stumbles and falls on him, she softly pats his chest, biting her lips, “what’s the hurry?”, she pats him once again, this time on arms, softly running her right hand over his neck, a soft peck of her lips on his cheeks, his hands running around her back. She leans forward getting on her toes and reaching up to him whisper in ear, “ill make sure, it’s worth the wait”. As her lips trail to his cheeks her hand comes away from his neck and he lets go of her. Watching her walk away from him, into the room, a dim light comes out through the door left open. He shakes his head in disbelief, picks up his phone from his jean pocket, 1 new message, reads it in his head, “thanks so much for stranding us”. Putting his phone back into his pocket not before he turns it to silent, sitting down on the couch, the leather couch, he rests his head on the head rest.

Not knowing his eyes closed, only to be tingled by neatly manicured finger nails, trailing on his neckline. Opening his eyes and sitting up to watch her walk over in front of him wearing red and black lacy lingerie. “special night?” only to be answered, “just for you”, sitting on the arm of the chair, as she runs her fingers through this thick hair, ruffling his curls. She slides onto his lap, and crossing her legs over to the other side of the arm rest. “You do know I was just dumped and this could mean a lot of things in a lot of different ways” she lifts her face up to him holding his face in her left hand and her right on his neck. Reaching in closer, he looks into her eyes, his arm around her waist, pulling her up to him, her smaller frame trying to fit along with his big frame. Her cheek resting on his large palm, as she softly brushes in them. Her eyes closes as he draws her even closer, holding his lip just a breath away from hers, his waiting wears off as she closes on his lips, slowly biting on his lower lip. He feels her finger tip clutching to the curl ends as her lips moves more intense on his and his on hers.

~ stepping out of the door ~

He meant it every time he told her that he loved her. In his blank, non expressive eyes, his still face, his heart skipped a beat each time the words slipped out his mouth, “I love you”. But that was not enough for her, it’s been a few weeks, he’s heard it more than he can count, “he never loved her”. He tried to put it all behind him and still tries to be there for her with everything that she is going through but it was falling apart. He didn’t know how else to remind that he loved her, or even how much he loved her. Sometimes he didn’t want to remind her about them. He tried not his best, but he tried to make it work out between them. He needed her more than she needed him, he wished he had told her all that, but being so to himself, he never told her enough. Each time she puts the blame on him, his mind keeps playing “put the blame on me”. He wanted to suck away all her anger, her pain, her guilt from her into him. He wanted to let her free just like she wanted to be. He was never going to say anything back to her. He just took it all into him.

Weeks pass, still the finger pointing at all the things he hadn’t been for her, he hadn’t loved her as much as she loved him. Every word sent a cold sting up his spine, freezing each time she spoke of all he was not for her and how he had made her leave him. He never wanted her to leave; he only knew she deserved more, something he couldn’t give her at that time. He doesn’t want to regret, not yet, that he didn’t stop her. It’s a choice she chose he thought, for which he said he would be there for her no matter what happened between them. He had lost the most important person in his life, he feels a strong blunt spike into this heart, he does not know to reply to her, only to watch her type away her anger, her disappointment, her misery of the time to be without him and the decision she was forced to make in that tiny little blue window, the window might be tiny, but it was the world for them.

He couldn’t live with the guilt; he wanted her to move on from the blaming and all that has happened. Both have started seeing each other in a different way, a whole different way that they have not seen each other. She meant a lot to him now, more than before, even when she left him. But he wouldn’t tell her anything. Only in his mind does her miss her more than ever, he wanted her back, but the words were not meant to come out, for it was too late for him to say anything now. She pushed him to the limits beyond anyone else has, he tried to keep everything inside him, he bottled it all up, sulked in his own solitaire of loneliness which not many knew of. He lived every moment from the day she left him thinking about her, he wouldn’t tell her, for she is far away than ever and didn’t want him. She thought he wouldn’t stand a chance to fight for her. She even told him so many times, “you didn’t want me, you never wanted me”. Every time she said that he wished she would hear her own self those words, but only returned only silence. He was not going to fight anymore. His heart now cold with the love he had for her, the memories of her to last for eternity. He meant to let it all go, give into her and absorb everything that she wanted to let out.

Days pass by, less spoken between each other, starting with a caring “hi” turns to heated finger pointing of all that she is going through cause she had to leave him and having to go through it alone. At every popup message in that tiny little window, his fingers starts to tremble, his mind not steady anymore to keep up with her. He wanted to just close the window and leave without even telling her, but he couldn’t, he was too weak for her. He couldn’t hurt her anymore; he promised that he would be there for her no matter what. He thought a promise that he would give his everything to keep. He didn’t know where to draw the line of being her ex-boyfriend, a friend in any case, he had gone passed a level from being just a friend, to a boyfriend, even more than she would ever know. His thoughts no longer clear, a tear at the corner of his each time he thinks about her. He said it too many times inside his head “she is gone, it’s your fault, and what are you crying about now”. He could never answer his own question in his. He blindly trusted to be his forever; time taught him another lesson “no one lasts in your life forever” and this was the endless time that he lost something he cared about. Nothing hurt like this one, he’s been hurt, he was starting to get use to it, until she turned up, “it’s going to be alright”, and he doesn’t know what it all means to him anymore. His nights was filled with her voice in his head, one voice asked for the voice to be out of his, while another longed, cried to hear her voice over and over again in his head. He was no longer the one who can keep her voice, he thought to himself “it’s time to let go, she is no longer yours”.

On another lonely friday evening, his eyes glued to the large screen in front of him, but his mind just wondering elsewhere, thoughts about her run wild in his head, he couldn’t control it anymore, burst into soft cries, he eyes could not hold back the tears that were flowing out. He felt weak for crying out; he felt that he is left with nothing now, no meaning, no purpose, crashing his fist hard to the wall to his side, a loud thud, he did not feel any pain in his bleeding knuckles, another one follows and another like a boxer in a rage title match, throwing his last punch to win by knockout keeps jabbing his fist into the wall, he didn’t not feel anything yet for the pain in his heart and mind was too much. He stops after few spots of blood on the plain cream wall, looks at his knuckles bleeding, the skin peeled off, his sobbing calming down slowly, tears run dry on his cheek now. He couldn’t keep it inside him anymore; he needed a drink, a strong one. Picks up his phone as he scrolls down to a name he was too familiar on a friday night, sends a text message “you heading out tonight? Could do a drink, you up for it?” he didn’t wait for a reply, he picked up the towel, headed to the shower, as the cold water runs through his hair, trickling down his spine and on his face, waiting to wash the tears away, soft sobs taking over his body, couldn’t control it, lets out with the water running on his body. Throws his head back, letting it wash away it tears, closing his eyes, memories flashing in his head, making him remember of a weekend, a cold shower he would never forget in his lifetime, opens his eyes in a fast motion, like a nightmare, with the water running to his eyes making them hurt as he closes it once again and the flashes of images in his head of the shower once again.

Drying himself off the cold water, goes to check on his phone, 1 New message, picks up to read, “anytime for you hun, meet you at the club at 11”, puts it back on the table, checking the time, just about right time, pulls out his red sweatshirt, his bleached out jeans and his favorite baller shoes. Just as he gets ready, his phone starts blinking, 1 New message, “I’m already here”, puts on his shoes in a hurry as he dashes out of his house for the cab that is on his waiting. Gives direction to the driver short and to the point. Never liked the small talk except for the few regular drivers the cab company sent on his request, this one was a new one. His patience was wearing thin, just about when he was around the corner of the club. He gets outs to get into the club, walks in to find a lot of familiar face. Walks himself to the bar as he sees the familiar bartender on shift, no time for pleasantries tonight he thought to himself. “make it a stiff one” he said with a sly smile. He didn’t care who was there, who wasn’t, he needed his drink tonight, anything else is just a bonus he thought. Looking around as he take a long draw on the glass, his eyes scrunch, cheeks tighten as he send the poison down his throat sending a burning sensation an turning around to have purple laser lights going right across his eyes making him squint, flashes of colors in front of his as he asks the bartender to get onto the second one. Picks up his phone as he feels it vibrate, another alert, 1 New message, “where are you?” as he replies, “at the bar, come over.” Slips it back into his jean pocket and drawing another short draw on the poison in his hand.