Saturday, December 15, 2007

~ stranded and hurt ~

would it matter im alone today
after dreaming about being with you
everythin turn so sour between us
there is nothin which i can go back to
i don want to sit around thinkin its goin to be ok
even though everyone seems to keep sayin it
no one can make me feel like how i felt about u
every sec i was with you
i made it to be wit you
tell me wht happened tell me where did we go wrong
tell me where did i go wrong
wishin that i had the answer to all the question in ma head
i know i wud never get an answer
its all rumbling inside me wishin i wud see u all those vanish
but time n luck is not on my side today
not today nor will it come back tomo

everytime i wish that wht we went through was a dream
it only comes back in memories of the times i had u with me
n today u belong to someone i cant even think in mind
it just gets hard so time, i feel only guilty all along
u made me happy like no other grl in my life
i aint tellin u now to make myself know wht it means to lose u
just another wy of lettin myself i lost somethin which never belonged
never looked a wy to slip through the back door
where did i go when u needed me
why couldnt u find me when u needed me like u used to
wht happened to we tell each other wht we want
why couldnt u ever talk to me at the end
was i so hard on u to walk away from u
i never asked u stay?
i never asked u to leave to begin with

u wanna think i been emotionless
u know nothin about wht i went through to get here today
i made myself for u, just never showed u myself entirely
u know the dark side of me, u know the downs i've been through
u sticked up as friend, wht happened now
was i too heavy to have u in ur heart anymore
everyday passes by wishin i had an end to the ache in my heart
it only keeps gettin heavier
tears just boil up in my eyes everytime i think about u
where did u go when u wanted me
why did u run away from me when u wanted to me
im not asking u back
i have can never have u the way i had u when i did
today is just another day without u
ur not here, not anymore
not even as a friend to talk when i want to

i miss the baby talk, the rants, the obsession
i miss the part of me which did crazy things just for u
everytime i wud just chuckle wondering why am this to u
just got the answer in a sour way
today i miss being in love with you
nothin can make it right ever again
i've packed my bags, damn its just too heavy for me
wht im today has everythin to do with you
i cant move on upackin u away
but i got no choice except to get up n walk with heaviness
why does love hurt to so bad
not as much it hurt everytime u wanted me to act as though nothin happened
i can play the nice guy anymore baby
it just too much right now

i run towards whts runnin away from
i run back when i see somethin comin my wy
why did i run into u n bump my head into urs
i still don get wht got me into u
its just crazy n ull never know how much yesterday means to me
its not only u whos cryin
u just aint here to watch me
ur times up with me
i wanna know i kept u happy
i hope u never shed a tear for me, cause i aint worth tht
hope u know how to fake a smile for ur today
i aint there no more to be ur baby boy
i cant make u laugh no more
i cant make u cry no more
i cant wish i had u in my arms
all i did was let u down today
u had wht it took to call it over when u know it aint goin no where

back to being the warrior, back to the field
all tht comes to ma mind is u
i cant take it out whts a cancer in me
eatin me lil by lil
if i do, i wudnt be who iam today
i never said, i never got to see ur smile
u didnt wanan c me when u got back
u didnt wanna know how im doing witout u
but why wud u wanna answer it now
never wanna dish u down
but all i do think wht we did n been through
am i ever goin to know to let it my past n walk away
it just tied to me i got no place to go
except the wrong way
this is not how i hoped it wud end
but it don matter now, walked away
kept walkin away from each other and that we did
not even look back to see for each other

no one can give me what u give me
the first time of being in ur arms
having the most beautiful angel whom wanted to be with me
wonder to myself wht happened now
im not worth no more for u to have stayed n fight
i didnt have chance to stand up n fight
i'd be under six feet under if we did
but tht didnt matter, i wanted to know atleast u wud fight with me to the end
guess the answer was no, the end u wrote on a call
u got let me go, u can hold me anymore
cause u got someone else to take care of u
even without ur choice u had to just walk into it
someone so strong i jsut wonder wht went where

all im doing right now is sitting here
writing how i feel about
its the fire of love, that burnin my heart out
i wish the flame wud go out
so all i can do is drink up for my pain
with a fake smile on my face
all its goin to take is a mistake
for me to take the step back to where i was
im prayin for the chance to get it over n get it done
even the curse of death doesnt like me anymore
like how it use to like me when i was with u
the love cannot be replaced my another
but just my action which can cheat on the love i had for u
waiting for the chance to give up on my life
i don have wht it takes to take it away
u cud have done with a knife n not with ur love for me
i wonder i still believe that u might have some love left for me

im in search of the fake love, tht fake smile
the fake kiss to get my pain run over by guilt
there is nothin more hurtin n cruel that i can do to u
i hope then my love for u will kill itself inside me
so i wud be born again or die with it
memories to be burned, to be ashed n washed with guilt
wud it make me happier tomo than today
my search for happiness without u has been of vain
why am i cryin now n not when u left me
stop killing me from inside n take it away
put a bullet, bring the rain down on me
get it over, make it done n washed away

im sorry i didnt ask u to stay
im sorry im not around
u got me thinking wht i need to do for me
im just waitin to jump over the edge
waiting to see if i'd fly or wud i go crashin down
i don know wht i can do to stop myself feeling this wy
all i can do is just sit here n write my feelings
u cut deep inside me
not a cut to be stich back
1 in the mornin sittin here
with a drop of tear on the corner of the eye
listenin to good girl gone bad
n writing a dramatic expression of the pain in my heart


Lady divine said...

"i run towards whts runnin away from " - This is something we all tend to do... but something we should learn to have some control over and not give in to!!

take it easy and you're too young to be thinking this way.. the world goes on.. and we need to move on too... I've been through shit like this too..
and trust me, eventually you do realise everything and get the courage to see the world in a different way and YOU WILL BE OK..:-)

*Hugs*... enjoy the season for tis the season to be jolly! :)

~ lo$t $oul ~ said...

Thanks LD... just tryin to settle down, being away from the country even 3 months is disaster!!

lets catch up soon ..

Thackshila said...

its good shit.. but way too long bro..