Saturday, November 24, 2007

~ walking away ~

everytime i dream about you, i sway my mind the other way around
thinkin it aint even right to feel the same feeling of holding you in ma arms
making me wish now that i had held u tighter more than often as we did
looked into ur eyes to tell you that i loved you
there is nobody else i wanted to spend the rest of my life with
with ur cuteness with ur anger with ur insecurity with your jealousy
its been time n more since the last time we even spoke

all it is to me is sweet memories
im where im i was last year except without you anymore in my life
shake my head in disbelief that a year has passed since we saw each other as lovers
thinkin about only makes me feel like a fool letting go of what i shudnt have
time n over i think to myself i shud have held to ur hands n asked u to stay with me

but there was no chance of that n no right i suppose
u always deserved someone better than me
i still dont know wht u saw in me, to make u think im anywhere close to being the man for you
there have been many a times i've asked you that n i never got an answer
im looking for the unanswered question in my mind to know that u knew wht u got into
rather than just another day in ur life
i hate to hurt to even ask u or say this, i never shud question if you love(d) me or not

today we've lost something we had over 3 years just over 8 months of relationship
i miss the baby talk, i miss listenin to you rant n rave about ur day
about how much you missed me, made me feel i was once worthy of having someone
guess time has answered my question of being worthy enough in ur world
i knew the ending before the beginning
carefull of not steppin ma feet into unknown waters
guess when i turned back to look i was long away from shore
gone too deep, too far into the point of no return

i dont understand how inbetween the begining n the end did i fall into this
all that comes to my mind is the sweet baby voice, the soft skin rubbin on my skin
that lost look in ur eyes, always looking for somethin when im around
i was never there to hold u when u broke down like i use to before
distance n space made each start walkin seperate paths in our lifes
when did we lose each other to other n finally away from the other

everyone say is just a guilt ride you wre on after we walked out on wht we had
but i never gave you up to anyone, even today i wudnt stand anyone trash talk to u
time has passed since i even wrote
the passion, the love, the pain, the hope, has been drained out of my days
today i walk with smile on my face with a scar in my heart
i can never hate you, i can never love you like i loved u again
today im just lo$t $oul who gave it all up cos he wasnt man enough to stand up for wht he wanted

sometimes i feel, how am i feeling alright, even after somethin which blew up in my face
right exactly when i knew it was going to, the drift, the hate talk, the silent treatment
i've done my mistakes, which makes me feel more than a fool to have done it
but everythin meant n counted i suppose
today there is nothin to go back to, only my walk lonely on a beach
when did we say bye to each other, i don remember anythin now
guess thats y i feel ur inside my head

i feel guilty everytime i look another person other than you
still that feelin is inside me even today
but slowly its fading away n which scares me most
how i was tryin to become a better person wen u wre inside me
today with everythin fadin away like yesterdays dream
the chains kept me in wraps have come off

i know that i would neve walk the same road i use to be walking
that which im clear, the promise i made you
there rest a dark fear inside me that i wud let you down, everyone who looked to me
there was blind trust n hope which i had in you
slippin n silding away, guess its just the part of lettin go
im lettin go off the the love n trust n hope of me becomin better

there is nothin i want to change now
how i feel now is just another drop of tear that you get to see, among other ppl who saw me broken down
today is about to be over, when its tomorrow, it wud be sweet dreams of yesterday
and the day after, the day following, n soon wud seem like far far away
all it meant to was everythin of yesterdays second
and everythin slipped away, nothin much the stain of tears in my hands
time to wash it all away, time to wake up from the dream
back to one day at a time in the life of a lo$t $oul


Lady divine said...

so much of truth,emotions and feelings there...
It's all an experience in life... and they all happen for a reason...

best is not to cling onto them... easier said that done... but hey, nothing lasts forever....

atleast you had this chance in your life... and you enjoyed it at that time and had a great time.. this is what matters..:)

how r u btw???

Indyana said...

Give yourself time to heal...! You are still so young,so give life a chance to change for the better! Best of luck!

Mia said...

First love is always painful (I am assuming it is your first love) and it will take a very long time to heal and get over her, still not really get over her, if you know what I mean. That is first love, beautiful, deep and painful.

Hold on to your fond memories and remember them with a smile instead of wallowing with sadness of something lost and letting grief consume you.
Life goes on!
Best cure is an active life and meeting new females