Wednesday, May 10, 2006

~ unearthen ~

ever felt like you've been buried alive? well thats how i feel right now! buried alive. i know what exactly i've been buried under, but its so hard to unearthen myself. im so tired of waiting for someone to do that, but have realised that this is my life, everything done by myself so why the resurrection to someone else. there have been only a few who took the shovel to unearthen me, but many atimes i've pushed them away or they have got tired, but they never failed to keep trying and believe i will come out of this misery. so this unearthening is to them.

i'm not doing this for me, im doing this for the those believe in me, for those who care about me. need to put a stop to everything. i've gotten this into my head, need to find the way. it's just not about whats within me, its about whats around me. i've adapted to bad company to build around, there is nothing as i cant maneuver myself out of this. nothing is of certain, but its in my head to clean the dirt earth off me. i dont know how i dont know when, but i need to before its too late.

for every start there is an ending, thats life, there was a troubled start, a wrong step in the path im walking, had no reason to turn back or walk out of it untill now i realised there should be no reason to be good. i've always considered myself being the wrong to show the right, but i've gotten tired of it, cos however much u may show people about the right and wrong, the one who shows the wrong happens to be bad one. i want to make it upto those who believe in me. its time that i walk right, it times i think right, its a right start to be right one.

i could never be said i was wrong cos i had my own ways, even if someone harmed me i would know to let it go and not waste my fury over that, but never have i forgotten what the world has done me, it is a lesson not to trust people like you, i've seen it in the eyes of those who have hurt me, and yet i've seen it in the eyes of those who wish to see me good, who have given everything to make me right. knew i was gone astray but when was i wholey wrong. that is something which has taught me to be the whole new me.

resisting temptations is something which we learn over time over experience. i've failed each time i was tested with temptations. the desire burns all over me. somehow i've learnt to resist it in the small way, i would say it as a start for me, but my endurance at this is wearing thin, its my choice, i've had the say the only way to fall out of temptation is to indulge in it, but hope not no more, be strong, divert your temptation to achieving somethin more meaningful, somethin that would make your day better or another tomorrow for u or anyone else.

with this start to walk away from temptations, i've found my new indulgence, divert ma temptation to my art, literature, feelings about my loved ones, anything that would make me feel great of overcoming this earthly body wants.

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