~ is it somethin about me ~

wonder to myself if i'm the cause of what happens to me, endlessly on the losing streak these few years, nothing goes by the way i want it to happen, even if it happens does happen in the most bizzare and drastic manner, i cant think of a reason why it happens but it just seems to be wrong, is it karma or hmmmm lost for any word an ordinary person would use it to blame on it and move on, ahhh got it now.. fate! would anything change from now on or nothin would matter but hopelessly believe and live carefree that would revolves around hypocrites.

I mean its jus there just about anybody, sadly have to generalize it as the count of that is on the rise, in which sense i mean the people whom unfortunatly happen to be in front of my face. i mean the sickening crowd of grls who happen to gossip behind each other back and again collectively bit** about the own people they hang out with. to what extent should i tolerate this or should i not be bothered at al. it so sickening to watch to this crowd kuchoo kuchoo in the corner when they are suppose to be working and whats even more sicken is that i have to put up with them.

ma immediate reporting guy is no care about anythin that happens if ppl do work or not, doesn't matter if client reoprts goes on time and all the crap. im so stuck in the middle of having to put up all this cos im the 2nd in command, wht do i command? myself, keep ma bloody f****** gap closed! thats somewhat i heard from someone who left to another country recently, only person who kept me sane admist the insanity im going through now. well back to what i wanted to shout, scream, yell out loud, which i have bottling it for too long.. why on earth do people have to be two faced and b**** their own friends or collegues, so disgusting. dont think even the cave species did that. im sure even though they didnt dress as sophisticated us was more well mannered or rather atleast with some humanity or be civilised. these are questions which i cannot put out in public to them, cos i've already lost my reputation and put myself on the wreck when i took it out everything in the boardroom last time in office, feeling bad about making someone break tears and the others were shut quiet about what i had to say. from that day onwards, what bullshit that happend, i've kept it quiet. for the sake of my friend. i so wish she was here to see me go through all this, but there is nothing even she can do, but just smile and ask me forget about everything else and do what i have to.

explain to me how can you have a smile face in front someone that you disgust most? having to look someone do that to you is the worst and terrible mistake i'd be doing. but whe i do question about this my other mentor's and oh almighty wise one's they seem to care less about it or don't at al and give me an simple smile and say thats is how the world is and we who try to change it would not ever succed, its best that we go about in our ways, not to waste time in others obscene indulgence. so i wish to leave the hypocrites aside or rather push them out of my world and go on with those who are true to their heart more than anything else in the world. its my right to have to straight face n say, its ur right to be a hypocrite, dont cross to my side of town, cos ur so not goin to like it when i lose control!