Thursday, December 31, 2009

~ good bye 2009 ~

hmmm im not sure how i can put this, but its been a very testing year. good, bad, hard to say, its all grey.. :) not that there was not enough color in the year... but wht ever happened did.. happen.. well.. its time to say GOODBYE to it.

Hope the new one turns out to be better than the last one.. wishes n hopes are all we are left with.

Wishing a everyone who drop here, HAPPPY NEW YEAR, may you and your family and loved ones be blessed with good health, wealth, love and happiness. ENJOY

Sunday, December 20, 2009

~ so it is christmas ~

A week more i guess for everyone to get high on the season n be merry about it. but never the less..

MERRY CHRISTMAS to everyone to drops in here and dont.. :)

I've started work, so lack thereof the continuation of story or post or any sort as the last week has been nothing but - Sleep - Work - Sleep - Work.. I've done nothin other than tht.. practically..

I was asked to come join at the same place i use to work 8 months ago, where i actually started working n been working for close to 6 years. i dont get the same desk.. but i got a new pc.. on the 2nd day work.. :D hehehe

How have you peeps beeen?? everyone in celebrative mooood??

Saturday, December 12, 2009

~ guilt over pain ~

“did you love her” and she paused and closed her eyes and ears scrunching her face, she covered her face with her hands. There was silence between the two, the swaying has stopped and the waves dashing against the shore filled the air. He let out a sigh; she opened her eyes and looked at him, holding his face in her palm, “come on, you can talk to me about this”, he understood her intension. He began with a sigh to say “is that a question to get rid of me”. She got off him in a haste and she almost feel on the grainy sand, he caught her before that. She began with a sigh and in a disappointed tone, “I know it’s not my place or have any rights to ask you about her”, she tried to keep her voice calm, she began once again, “I know I’m just another woman to you, just another flavor of the month to you”. She tried to hold her voice steady and not wanting to let out any emotions. She tried once again, “but, I do care about you”. She stopped, feeling the voice going down in tone, drained and taken over my emotions filling her. She paused and waited for him. He sat there motionless, looking into the deep open sea. She broke the silence between them, “can you take me back to the room”. She sighed and tried once again to get his attention in a more broken and distorted tone but raised voice, “can we just go to the room please”. He looked back at her and he had a tear at the corner of his eye. He tried to hide that from her, wiped it off his face and started scratching his eyes as though something went in.

“Yes, I loved her” in a soft tone when he got himself up from the log, wiping the sand off his shorts. He began once again, “you want to go to the room, fine lets go” he sighed as he broke in between to begin again, “and you’re not one those of other flavor of the month, like you think you, first get that thought out of you if you want to see me again”. He took a couple of steps towards the hotel, he paused and waited for her, “aren’t you coming” he looked at her in a quizzical manner. She sighed and began to walk towards him, she stood in front of him, within an inch of space between them, her feet caressed on his, rubbing the grainy sand on his feet. Her right hand reached towards him, her palm rested on his cheeks, “I only wanted you to be happy, even though you don’t tell me the pain you’re going through inside, I know you are in pain, I only wanted you to let it out”, she let her hands run around him and rested her head on his chest, “how could she have walked away from you” and she continued “her loss, my gain” she tried to throw in a wink with that. He shook his head in as though a mental shoulder shrug. She took her hands away from around him and started walking towards the water; he stood there watching her. She turned around to face him, reaching out her arms, “aren’t you coming”, he stood with his feet cemented, “thought you wanted to go to the room”. She wasn’t going to give into that, she stood there waiting for him and he sighed and walked towards her. He couldn’t believe himself that he was giving into her, in his mind he was starting to map out where is this all leading to, he remembers calling her out for a drink, meeting in the club, first time at her place, waking up alone in her bed, rushing to his home, dinner she cooked for him, waking up in bed alone once again and now in a hotel with her.

He went towards her, knowing he’d be there sooner to hold her, she turned her back towards him, he held from behind, she tried to snuggle up in his arms, she whispered “hold me tighter”. He was thinking to himself, no matter how old a woman gets, she still has needs and wants, still wanting to feel wanted and cared for. He kissed her on her cheek bone, sending shivers down her spine and freezing her body for a second. She said “do that again”, he was giving her butterfly kisses on her cheek bone on her demand, she pulled his arms tighter around him, the water was reaching her feet, in between the kisses he was trying to whisper in her ear, “you sure you want to get wet”. She freed herself from his arms and ran more into the sea, pulling him too along with her. They were standing almost at knee length water; she was clearly losing her balance against the gushing water. She didn’t care at all if she was going to get her dress wet, but she didn’t want to get it all wet. She asked him to wait in the water, as she stumbled and went to the log they were seated. She undid the knot at the back of her neck and the dress fell down to her hip as she maneuvered out of it. He was watching her undress herself to the bikini she was wearing; she managed to tie her hair up in high pony tail. She was quickening her pace towards him now and no more than 2 hops into the heavy waves, she fell on her back. Trying to catch her breath and tried to sit up straight, he was there next to her on his knees helping her up. He couldn’t help it but burst into laughter, she tried to him hard, but she hurt himself, “what are you” was her line she never got tired off.

She reached for his lips, her hands held his head steady; he had gotten all wet by now. She felt a tingle inside her, the same feeling she felt the first time his lips touched her. She was feeling a thrill rushing through her body when his hand took over her hip, holding her down against the strong waves that were gushing against them. Her eyes pierced through his eyes as though reaching for his soul and to steal it away for eternity. She thought to herself, “her loss, my gain, what was she was even thinking”. She kissed him hard on his lips, they went into a wild lip lock, her right hand reached behind his neck and held him closer to her, her left slowly crept through the ends of this thick curls which were wet. He broke the intense between them, just as she was about to take off his shirt. He almost lifted her up in one go and got her on her feet. She stood there still with her hands around his neck, close to him, wet in salty water and her lips dying for his and her body for his hands and lips. She reached closer to him, feeling him against her body, whispered in his ear as she pulled down his head, “take me to the room”. He didn’t want to walk through the restaurant wet like this; he looked around for another way. He saw a mangrove just a few steps ahead which lead to the hotel. He looked at her as though to ask if she was ok to take that way. She took the dress in her hand and walked ahead and pulling him by his hand. They were wet and were trying to get through the mangrove as she was in a rush to get back to the room. Her mind was racing fast thinking about how she wanted him to take her, to have her his way. She stopped and turned around to face him, he almost ran into her, “what now” he asked her. She dropped the dress to the grainy sand and her hands reached for his face, he felt it intense than before, her body was cold. She stood there in his hands, waiting to be taken, he hesitated and she stood there slightly disappointed that he didn’t want her. Her eyes were pleading him to have her then and there, he pulled her closer to him, let his lips seal hers once again, her hands tried to reach behind to untie the string off her bikini, he stopped her with his hands, broke off the kiss, “not here, I don’t want you to be like just another flavor of the month” he picked up the dress and led her to the room.

Before he could close it behind him, she pushed him against the door, letting the string come off her neck. Her lips sealed his, in a passionate wild lip lock; she managed to take off his shirt. He carried her in a swift and laid her there on the bed softly, he was being gently no matter how rough she got. Her mind running wild to think what would actually get him rough. She broke from the kiss, moved herself away from him, he sat there completely put off, “what did I do wrong” he asked. She paused for a second, for two, for three, kept him waiting until he reached out her; she wanted to feel wanted at all times. He reached her and she completely let him have his way, all she remembers seeing last were his moist lips reaching towards her upper lip. She needn’t witness anything anymore; she was feeling exactly how she wanted to feel and more. All she did was play along with him, her sighs and hisses filled the room once again, his lips moved further down on her chin, her neck and her body was feeling waves of thrills gushing through her. Her fingers through his thick curls guided him across her skin, her most sensitive spots and where she needed to be kissed. She thought to herself, what was happening to her, she has never felt like this before, not even with her husband, she wanted him more than she thought she was going to give him. She closed her eyes shut tight, only to dip into the moment; bit her lips, threw her head back and arched her body to meet his lips. His hands held her hip firmly, raising her lower body to meet his; he could feel her body heaving up and down against his lips and body. He moved in unison to the rhythm of the tune her body was playing. He wanted to stop; she wanted him in her once again. She realized his reluctance and didn’t want to give into him; she held him close, brought his face up to hers to kiss his moist lips, she now opened her and saw beads of sweat on his forehead, wiping it away and she closed her eyes once again and let him to her bare skin.

He didn’t understand the reluctance he was struggling against, he shrugged it off and let his lips back on her skin. She slowly removed his shorts and the slid her dress down. He pulled the sheets over him; she moved them away from them. Her nails started piercing through his skin when he was inside her, she moved against him first, he was more than surprised, he moved against her. Her moans had gotten louder; her sighs n hisses were filling the room. She held him tight, her body was going stiff and he knew she was close to her climax. She wasn’t going to wait for him; she was meeting his every stroke. Her right around his neck tight and the left around his waist, her nails were almost into his skin, he could feel the blood rushing to out of his skin. Her legs around his waist gave him full access and she was in control of him. Suddenly she threw her head back and arched her body up to his, his naked sweated skin against hers. She flopped back to lay rest on her back now slowly as though she was trying to regain herself from a cramp that had caught her body stiff. Her legs were still around him, she knew he wasn’t done yet and she wanted him to reach the same euphoria in pleasure hell she went to and came back out of. Her legs came off his waist once she knew he was done, she was more than content. She ran her fingers through his hair, stroking them softly and getting tangled in his curls.

She rolled him to her side, he reached for her lips with his, she moved back and then forward to kiss him on his lips, pulled the sheets over them and she could see he was wild awake as though in trance. She wanted to ask him, she thought better not to ask another question from him and ruin everything. In his mind, he was beating himself up for what he was doing. He had only reason why he was doing this. He had promised someone, that he would never go back to this kind of life ever again, but he just did the exact opposite. He wanted the guilt to be more than pain she left him. Memories of her ran through his mind, he got up from the bed and went to the washroom, closed the door behind him. She was lying there on the bed, wondering why he closed the door, because he has not done it since they both have been in the same room. She was struggling against her emotions to get up and follow him or just to lay there and pretend that she didn’t see anything or that he closed the door makes no difference. She waited for him, but he took longer than she anticipated, she wrapped herself in a towel and knocked on the door. She could hear soft sobs. She knocked again, “are you alright”, between breaths and heaves he replied “yes, give me a few seconds I’ll be out”. She instantly knew something was wrong. She tried to open the door, but it was locked from the inside. “open the door, I want to use the loo” she tried her luck. Few seconds passed, he opened the door, wiping his tears away from his face, “you can use it now” he walked out of the washroom, brushing against her arm. She held his hand and turned to face him, “you want to talk about it” she asked, “it’s nothing” and he tried to walk to the bed. She held his hand firmly and made him turn back, “remember we said, no regrets, no thank you” she asked him, he nodded his head in agreement, “tell me, what’s wrong” she asked him in a more stern tone. He led her to the bed, sat her down, he got down on his knees, she was running her fingers through his hair, he paused. She waited for him, she understood it wasn’t easy for him, what he’s about to say, but before she could hold her tongue back “is it about her”, she felt her palm reach to close her mouth, but the words have been let out. He held his breath and she was holding his hand in anxious about what he might say or do. He softly nodded his head. There was sudden silence filling the room, he broke the silence, “what do you want out of this”. She looked at him perplexed “what do you mean”. He’s tone has gotten a lot more straightened out, “what are you getting out of this”

Wednesday, December 02, 2009

~ lady divine ~

another boredom post.. :)

Here you go LD.. as you asked for in black and purple.. two variations of the same design.. not my best..  :S



If you don like the fuzzines let me know, ill sharpen out the text.. No trouble at al..anytime.. :D let me know if you need it any other way.. ;-) now u owe me a drink.... and no more excuses.. this time.. :P 
Edit: as  requested LD.. i've done the final editing i suppose with the "Divine's" hehehe..

Saturday, November 28, 2009

~ boredom ~

Well that happens to be cos im at home since last monday and i've been out only once, reason why you may (you should) ask..*drum roll*.. i'm unemployed.. yes you read correct. Moi quit the workforce since monday. Have not been searching high n low for a job, but sending around cv's and talking to ppl is going on. its like a nopay leave, with only ur last paycheck in bank and you've got bills on the table.. :-D.. how many would do somethin stupid (or not) like me..?!?! thats a serious question, under what circumstance would you quit the job your at right now? what would force you to quit a organisation? Having said all that and like LD put in the last post comment, i've had a whole lot time in my hand to laze around, mock around and what not... so what came out of this boredom..and unemployment... below is the answer..




Have been working on them for a couple of days, just a selected few of whom i read often. Got a few other i want to get creative for.. Santhoshi, Cadence, Deliah, LD...not sure of the theme i can work on.. :) here's more variations for a couple of the above i managed to play around with...




Pretty much sums up.. how jobless i've been.. :D hehehe
Hows the weekend going.....?

Friday, November 27, 2009

~ map of letter to me ~

RD seems to have a burning question of if he should continue the mapping.. He started the tag, he better finish it. :) lol.. well here you go..managed to map out with the last map that you had put up. Dont know how far this had caught fire, as most of them later tags were not mainstream bloggers i suppose. So do let me know if you want me to add more ppl and ill convert it to a way you can have links to each one's blog...


Im sure there is more to the above.. so ppl who wre tagged, tagged themselves.. pls do drop a comment so i can add em all..

Any reason why the right hand side is just branched to 3 tier?? lol

Friday, November 20, 2009

~ letter to 16 (tagged) ~

Here's the follow on the tagging.. by Santhoshi, who broke the rule :D..besides rules where meant to be broken. Wanted to use this tag in the story(crap) im writing these days, but i've been tagged so.. have to adhere to this.. :D

Oi Lo$t $oul,

Ya thats the name you'll be known by in about 4years time in a place called blogosphere. Yes im the future you, i know you must be jumping up and down now. shut it and listen to me, like thts going to happen. Cutting the crap, pointers what you might go through, just a heads up, thats all.

Your planning to go to India again and yes your going for that wedding. you remember your hunch of you being with a single parent for the rest of your life, wish you hadnt had that. Enjoy the wedding, spend time with both of them, you cant stop whats going to happen. Dont go around looking for black shirt, cos you wont get it, and alot of ppl are going to ask you why and how you know and all that crap, they call black as omen, and ur not going to listen i know. So go ahead, learn to shave early, gosh you sloppy ass, always late and last minute just like appa, no wonder he keeps screaming at you all the time. following that your going to go on a trip and thats where everything changes for the rest of your life. next few days are going to be the worst, toughen up boy, pull your socks up.

your going to come back to sl with only one person and ur AS results is going to shock you, doing crash course without going to skool u might think was cool, NOT. Pick on what you like more, all the geeky computer stuff. Your going to leave SL by coming January, live alone and play havoc, and maybe study. You'll get bored soon, dont worry and you'll see alot blood and threats.. you'll come back and wonder wtf to do next. you'll start doing odd jobs that pay you by the hour, no at a petrol station or mcdonalds..you'll find out. pretty soon you'll go to india again, cos you have the anniversary. things going on like that, no one will hire you yet, cos its illegal you shit to work before your 18.. so much for headstart!! so stop wasting saliva, envelope, stamps, money, walks to post office. You get into some serious trouble cos of your friends, i mean serious. go for the KIT Challenge, but dont go to your friends house after that. You get hired to work for an AD company before ur 18...and when you meet ur boss, tell her she looks good. Dont be shy. You'll feel proud about your 1st paycheck. you'll have your first phone, yes from your savings ofcourse.

Next few months, will work out alright, you'll be talking to someone, you'll drive her insane enough to ask you out, late night text, calls. you'll meet her soon in real too. nothing special happens when ur 18. your on ur wy to india again, coming back you'll have her waiting for you. you'll be head over ur shoes for her, she is someone whom you'd never be able to handle. she is too much of work for you, but still go ahead. loosen the other one you keeping messaging on the side, there is nothin there for you there, but do it anyway, you'll learn a few things. You'll start work in the most strange way, take a bloody shave, wear a tie. No your not going to australia, even though you get accepted. At work you'll meet alot of ppl, good/ok/shitty ppl. ease on your words, you have a loud foul mouth we all know, so tune down a lil if you can. You'll kick some serious ass with your work, you'll have ur seniors whinning you finish work so early.... LAUGH OUT LOUD as you can. The paycheck is going to be way more than you expected, ill leave you to get a mini heart attack.

You'll stand out for you work, loud mouth, showing up late to office or long breaks. Being you, your just going to handle it hows it all meant to be handled. Your not going to be with that girl you dating, she break up, you'll break up, drive you insane. Finally you grow some balls and tell her that you cant do this anymore. You close that book. But hell you'll open alot of doors you didnt know existed. i aint going to tell you what. you'll have a love/hate, more like you both want to kill each other relationship with someone at work. she'll turn out to be quite a work for you, too much most of the time, but you become the punching bag for her and she'll confide in you. Dont worry nothing new you'd need to know, cos your were good at what you did.

Remember the grl you met online who likes In the End by LP as much as u did, who lives half way around the world, you'll meet her soon. She is going to turn your world around. i'll let you find out how you become what you become for her. pretty soon you wont be the same guy. You work well, your now very much known for your foul loud mouth, hot head in office and by the management. People would still hesitate to give you responsibility, FFS your still not even 19...obviously they are not use to having ppl your age running sections of projects. Things will go on as it will, you keep doing what you doing. There is so much you will learn, fall into, get out of, become of in the years... everything is left for you find out.

By the time you turn 21, things will fall into place, you'll have some peace in your life and you will learn to smile more often for no reason when you look at someone picture. You and your love/hate - worst enemy/best friend will grow a bond, stronger, closer. she will happen to be your strength in the comin months, before your 22 everything will fall out of place. You'll lose someone and nothing will be same again. dark times ahead, watch out for emotions that run deep dark inside you. dont give into the suicidal side of you. your strong and try to be. talk to ppl, write more. ok this may some as surprise, even though you've been kicked out ur english & english lit class back in school. you have a way to channel all your anger, dissappoint, so write that long note to the first puppy love gf of yours and you know where to hit the next you down the dark pit. you'll fall deeper into, but something along the wy will save you.

By this time you'll grow more close to your family, your uncles will be teaching how to mix drinks, drink with them, make the best bites and get into trouble with their wifes for it. you'll have a great time growing up. You'll become be distant with your only parent alive. Will make you want to run away so many times, will never understand you nor will you be appreciated for who your. You will be hurt and you wont understand how can you talk to you own blood this way. embrace yourself, cos your so alone now, there is no one who can help you, except yourself. but you start finding other stuff to help you and you know to bottle it up and build walls around you.

By 23 your a different man, things take you down the rut even further and you swim right into as well. You'll never learn from your mistakes, you only have experience. By now you would have carried three coffins, stand next to your uncle and only feel numb. you'll learn not to cry anymore, you'll learn not to give into emotions. when the year begins, you make up ur mind to leave your past behind, including the good things. your even going to leave the special someone in the dark. one side will beat u up inside for it, but the other side knows to take the beating and make you stubborn of what your head wants.

Im 24 now, single, alone but i accept who im, you will learn to accept who you are.. You wud have gone through different hairstyles, full shave, plats, braids, oh yes you grow your hair long enough to get braids done, a piercing, a tattoo and women's name you dont remember anymore who have been in your life and some you dont want to hear ever again in ur life.oh btw.. you get into a whole load of shit cos of the bad habits you have with woman, threats, almost beat ups and what not, but your still alive and you still do what you do...you'll learn to laugh about it all..

its almost november in 2009 and your attitude and you will change so much, you'll regret who your at the moment. there is nothing you can change. life teaches you alot, you learnt it yourself in the wildernes.. once you leave home, you never come back, and your one of them. so live it as it comes, try to save a lil if you can for that rainy day or if you want to do a surprise date, you'll never be rich, but u make the most of what you get and with credit cards. where im today, im proud, cos i made it on my own. when you reach this date, you'll know you'd be writing this.