Saturday, June 12, 2010

~ saying bye is never easy ~

To whom it may concern,

Due to personal reasons, I’d have to leave the organization.

My sincere apologies that I have not handed this in person, but my personal situation has pushed me to this.

Thanks for everything that you and the management and everyone in the company has been to me.

With much regret I have to say good bye.

Reading this in head for the last time he managed to fold it neat into an envelope. Taking the deep breath, thinking to himself, will he regret the decision he’s made. Step 1 – send in the resignation, almost like he did a check off from the list he set out to do. He had a long list, Step 2 – write the last note to the friend.


This might be the last time you hear of me or the last of my writing to you. I’m not sure if this is a note that you’d like to keep with you, like you say you always do. It’s time we part, it’s time that I grow up, grow out of your shadow and guidance. You’ve always looked at me like a kid who needs love and guidance and I’d be good, but you never saw past certain degree, which you never got around to. Now you have one less social responsibility that you took it upon yourself. It all ends today; now, I would not be there for you like you’ve been there for me. Selfish of me, but its time I say my bye. Take care of yourself; you won’t have me to shout at you any longer asking you to take your meds or anything.


Step 2 – Checked off list.

Step 3 – last writing for his love.

Hi my love,

I don’t think I’ve been this passionate or feeling this way about you when I was with you, and now that you’re gone, I have nothing left. You gave me something; I saw redemption in you, hope. Was in hope that you’d make me a more of a man and less of the animal, only to the denied of the one thing I asked of you. Love. Where do I stand today, having to give you up to someone else, and you want me to come watch you do that to me? Sorry. Sorry for the things that has happened between the time you started blaming me for everything and to now. Love him at least till the end. I won’t be around to give you a shoulder no more. Enough that I listened to everything you and soaked myself in it so you wouldn’t have any of the guilt or pain. Guess even that wasn’t enough for that you. You managed to yank that little life I had in me. Good bye. From now on, no me.


Step 3 – Checked off list.

Step 4 – letter to his mom.

I won’t be around when your back home. This letter is last you’d hear of me. Don’t waste your time looking for you. I wish I had been man enough to stay and take care of you, but I’m not. I never had the chance to grow up from a kid to adolescent to a responsible adult. After dad left us, everyone wanted me to fill his shoes, I’m sorry that I was only a disappointment to you. I was never the son how you wanted to see. You can’t leave your son out to the wild all by himself and come back home expecting to the little boy you held hands walking on the road. Now you have one less worry, one less disappoint in your life, you can go to take of other kids. Always loved you never knew how to show though.


Step 4 – Checked off list.

Step 5 – letter to self.

If your reading this, it only means that you’ve found what you went looking for, if not, you lived your life on own terms, but sometimes you were knocked down cause you were not living to other peoples’ expectation. You lived you life, maybe you can’t be proud of the things you’ve done in your life, but you learned to love, tried only to let it go, but you never did, it ate like a worm hole and if you had stayed any longer you would have only dragged everyone along with you. Now it’s time and you’ve learnt things I don’t understand at this point of time. See you in the future.

Step 5 – Checked off list.

Lifting the bags he left the house, leaving the keys at the door, getting into the cab, wallet in hand and backpack with the minimum clothes. Tossing the phone out of his pocket to where he kept the keys. One final look at the place that has seen a lot of things with him, he’s got to part now from everything. Everything that would remind of her. “It’s the only way”, he kept reassuring himself. Was it enough, was it enough to keep him going where he’s about to go. Saluting at the balcony, almost imaging him standing there, as the cab pulls away from the gravel pathway. Resting his head back, closing his eyes, feeling nothing. Nothing.

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