Thursday, January 11, 2007

~ where did u go ~

"I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.
Where'd you go?
I miss you so,Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone,
Please come back home..."

"i've haven't left to any place too remote to be out of touch,
too from civilization,
too far from friends,
too far from those i believe love me,
im next to you,
but i've been gone."

first one is by fort minor which i cant seem to get it out of my head. second is of mine which i feel right now at é moment. my mind has formed a cocoon to distance myself my others. in turn i've managed to hurt the one who loves me. things are starting to be of struggle at the moment. but i feel tht is no excuse to be keep away. i dont know wht im doing sometimes. its all just blur. i know wht i want in life, but gettin wht i want is just too much of a struggle. i was alone i cud do anythin i wanted n the wy i wanted. but not anymore, adjustin to relationship takes time.. right now i've somehow managed. by her love for me or something or the other. i've known to be strong enough nt to crack easily. yesterday my mind just froze when a phone conversation ended up in a hang up by her. things at office was not at the least of normal situation as this happens.. so the day was of fight.

i still cant find a reason as to why this happens, how much she's changed about me, how much she's managed to be inside and take over me. is this wht u call love or i have no idea. too far too deep is how it looks to me. the waking up of each mornin to her voice(not living together, just a wake up call, when im barely gettin to sleep), the long conversation on the phone, the irregular meeting at late nights. just a chat and walk around holding her hand. all of that wud be not there for the rest of time until she returns to sri lanka she calls home. nothin is for certain in my life, and the emptiness is now filled, but all good things dont last long in my life. not once, not twice, too many times to count.

i wish i wud get to explain to her how i feel. but words n time is somethin which i dont have. im not passionate, emotional, expressive lover. but do u have to be tht to love someone. to give your everythin for u.. but not right. if you think u can hold on a lil longer...ill make it upto you. till then you'd have sing "where did u go...since u be gone, missing you..where did u go..?"


Lady divine said...

i'm sorry u've to feel this way..but it does happen.
well some people really crave for affection and they need to be shown about how u feel..different people require it in different ways.. some don't ask for it coz what they feel is enough for them and they are quite contend with it...

i really don't know what to say..i can go on and on and on...but i want to say the right thing which even if i did, u may take a while to really get it.. just chill for a while and get into some deep thinking...

~ lo$t $oul ~ said...

i hope its just one of those phases of time where i become numb n then im alright again. somehow this times it has affected alot... thats wht scares me..

Lady divine said...

don't worry...with time everything will be ok..:-) if u ever want to talk, u know my number..:-)
how's life? and how was ur weekend?

Indyana said...

First of all, stop thinking negatively abt life. don't ever think good things won't last for you. stop that trend of thought very strongly. halt all negativity. Then , please be a positive lover to her. she needs good feelings of warmth from you to know you care. show warmth, feel it first yourself. let go of your old pain, and pls start anew! You are still young, don't waste your life. be warm to loved ones, be postive abt your life from now.

~ lo$t $oul ~ said...

LD: Thanks, will always keep that in mind.. :-)

Indya: interesting thoughts, you've made me feel wht she needs from me more than wht i want to give her. im just too stubborn sometimes. im alright now. feeeling alot better and wishin that she was here in my arms though. can't wait til i see her eyes smile... Thanks Indya..

featherman said...

Its all about ego man. When u let go of that u will fit any where. I have the same problem and still collide with it most of the time.

~ lo$t $oul ~ said...

FM: thanks man, i think thts wht i need to work on. im puttin restriction to myself. well lets see how it goes... :)

Disease said...

Hey man don't get yourself down. I know it's hard but just try to hang with the people who are with u at the moment. Love is a process where you got to make sacrifices and from your post I think you are making a heavy one of that(It's kind of close to something I went through over the past year or so !)Just try your best to chill and enjoy the moments in life and you will see that you can be happy at desperate situations. All the Best !

~ lo$t $oul ~ said...

thanks mate. life is about scarifices. if u want something good in ur life, u got to let go of ur own evil. ;-) give n take is al part n parcel. its just tht i slipped. i took things for granted. will not make tht mistakes again...