~ 6 months ago ~

Walking fresh out of the shower, tries hard to dry his messy thick curls, but fails. He gets himself ready for work in a haste and is out of the house, forgetting even to pick up his lunch. "Oh I can always eat from out" he thinks. Walks himself straight to his seat, a "HI" to everyone as he has to pass to get to his desk. Finally in his corner, before anything, logs into his messenger to look for that sweet friend who has been in company through his day and into her wee hours of her morning. As they both live half way across the world, a world apart from each other yet they feel close through technology he thought. His face a little saddened, he doesn’t see her online. With a sigh, he thought he’d wait a little while longer for her to show up, he said to himself "she should still be in college, not back home yet". He lifts himself up from the uncomfortable chair that has been giving him a lot of trouble with his spine and knees. Still disappointed that she has not showed up online yet, his fingers go to the keyboard to lock his terminal, just then he see’s a pop at the right hand corner of his screen, showing her nick name and status as online. A wild glee in his head, a sharp smile draws in his lips. Flops himself back to the chair, only to hurt his back again but ignores it. His fingers reach for the mouse but before he could even move his fingers, his screens blips with a chat window.

Crazy lil Angel: Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiii *hugs*

Crazy lil Angel: How are you today?

Crazy lil Angel: Had lunch yet?

~the game ~: Hiiiiii lil angel… im good, how are you?

~the game ~: Just about to leave for lunch, when you hadn’t come online, waited for you

Crazy lil Angel: don’t wait up anymore, you go have lunch and come back, ill be waiting for you.

Crazy lil Angel: ill have my shower and be fresh n be back.

Crazy lil Angel: oh can he hand me the towel on your way out :P *innocent look*

Crazy lil Angel: oh could you bring me ice cream as well when you’re coming back from lunch

~the game ~: *hands the towel* go have a wash you stinky lil baby: P

~the game ~: *hugs* be back soon

Locks his terminal and leaves for lunch, wonders in his mind, what that about her that makes his day so easily, even during a hard one, she has been with him as a friend, listening to all his babble and what not. Walks away from his desk, reluctantly to get his lunch, he thinks he should be back soon. Rushes through his lunch to come catch up with his only friend, who would leave the rest of the world aside to listen to him and talk to him. That day he felt something more for her, he felt he was supposed to be more for her. But only to brush it away saying, there couldn’t be anything more than the deep friendship they both share and cherish so much. He kept his day and her nights busy with their baby talk; virtual cooking for each other, eating ice cream, talking about how both wanted to live together in the same house in different rooms. He shakes in all disbelief how could someone bring out this side of his personality, which he never knew it existed. He walks back to his seat, eagerly his fingers work on the keyboard to unlock his terminal, a blue blinking bar at the bottom of his screen. He opens up and it reads out:

Crazy lil Angel: I’m back.

Crazy lil Angel: u there?

Crazy lil Angel: wre’s ma ice cream!?!?

Crazy lil Angel: don’t you come back without the ice cream

Crazy lil Angel: *sigh* guess you’re not back yet

~the game ~: I’m back…

~the game ~: how you smelling now.. :P

~the game ~: oh here’s your fav ice cream

~the game ~: *hands you the ice cream and waits for a hug*

Crazy lil Angel: Thanks… no hugs for coming late.. :P

~the game ~: oh well then I guess ill leave you to your ice cream

Crazy lil Angel: no no… wait.. come here, sit next to me

Crazy lil Angel: can I ask you something?

~the game ~: *sits up next to you* sure thing hun, wht is it?

*She pauses for a few minutes*

~the game ~: wht is it?

~the game ~: waiting….

Crazy lil Angel: how much do you love me?

*with no hesitation or second thoughts in mind, nothing dramatic, nothing romantic, he replied*

~the game ~: *with arms wide open* I love you that much……

~the game ~: *hugs* come here sweets…

~the game ~: why did you ask all of a sudden

Crazy lil Angel: *hugs* just wanted to know if you love me enough..

*he continues, with no understanding of what has just happened, but only makes him smile in plain wonder, what has happened all the while*

A week passes on; it still hadn’t struck him yet, what has happened. He goes with his day, as if nothing unusual to say, they both love each other. Until one Saturday he seldom recollects out of the blue, her words in his head, "how much do you love me?" he wonders what she actually meant. Taking too lightly of everything, he shrugs off with his sheepish smile. His world turned upside down in the coming of days; she took control over everything of his. He was not allowed to party without a heated yet but sweet jealous girlfriend conversation. He was to save up for their future, get his debts out of the way. He liked the way she took over his life and day, he wanted someone to take over it, and he wanted her to be there for him through his thick n thin. He knew instantly that she was going to be one. He feared nothing any longer, his lonely days were over. She asked of only one thing from him, to be hers and hers alone. He wanted to be there only for her, promised himself, he his not going let this slip through him, he was to fight it through to the end.

With everything going so well he thought. He had shortened his Friday nights to be at home on the phone with her half way across the world from him, from her home. But she called where she was her 2nd home; she had spent a good part of her life being away from her real home. She knew going back home this time was going to be different, she wanted the coming 3 months that she is going to be with him to be longer. Both spent their time talking about the babyish, sweet innocent coy feelings they had for each other and how they wanted spend their lives together now, living together in the same room, same bed, sleeping in his arms, long cold showers tugged in his arms, fighting over who’s going to cook, silly little things that made each other so happy. It was all to special for him, for he had not felt loved and wanted by a woman like this, so far as he can remember. They’ve not even had the first kiss, not even a glimpse of each other in real since they started this relationship; but he can feel her warmth in her words, her sometimes soft spoken manner, and her usually fiery words for keep him on track. He loved it all; he loved her more than anything he can remember of. Their relationship bloomed over time over the tiny little blue window. He thought to himself, what would have been his days if they both never met, if they both hadn’t bump into each other years ago in a chat room.

He waited through the nights for his angel, he said to himself "the one that is going to redeem from all his sins, the one who is going to show him the light at the end of the darkest tunnel he’s been walking in". He had a deep dark past, his flamboyant night lifestyle, his choice of woman, his silly mistakes in life and his earthly sins, which she was all familiar and known of. He feared that he would let her down in any one of these, to which he would never forgive himself, "never ever in his life" he said to himself. He knew it all too well; this was the last chance he was going to give for himself in live. Everything meant to him, every little word from her and every want of her. He never showed her much of emotions. His flamboyant flirty talk, his witty ways of getting around woman in general, the worst of him – the best of him, had to be benched for her. He didn’t want to lose her for his ways. He’ll never forget his 21st birthday, a large cake in the shape of the key, for which had to give a blushing explanation to his mom from who it was. His laptop had a folder of filled pictures, he wasn’t hiding from her, he showed, this is girl who sent him the cake, from across the world. His mom only returned a smile. His world was coming together he thought, piece by piece. His naïve belief in life was coming back into his. He knew only one thing before - he wanted to anybody, but now – to be one for her.

Their future together was not how both had planned to be, he knew she was coming home for the holiday; he wanted to be there for her, to have the first embrace of her warm body against him. But there was another plan written for the days to come, a sudden business plan, his first break, and his first trip out of the island on work. He was more than ecstatic at what’s coming ahead for him, but she was didn’t want him to go; she knows he would be back in time when she is back in the island. She wanted him to wait for her not the other way around, but she doesn’t know if he would be back in the island before she comes, of even if they would have enough time together for them. He wanted to tell his boss, he couldn’t but she decided for him against that, she wanted him to take the temporary job overseas. He didn’t know long he would be away; it was open ended business trip. He packed his bag and he was away, his call from the airport – she had done something he had asked her not to; cut her hair short. She had done it to piss him off, she told him "I hate you so much right now, see your email". He rushed to office, first thing - rushed to his email, he long hair, was down to half way through, her face frowned in anger of leaving her having to wait. He promised her he’d be back sooner. He found her cute even in her anger, it only took him minutes to mellow her down, bring her back to not hating him for leaving her waiting for him, he promised "I’d be back soon, the very next flight once I’m done here".

He picked up a habit; he started to write about what happened in his day with her, only about her in the journal, he never told her he wrote about them. His lips always wanted to blurt he had something for her to read and maybe understand a little how much he loved her, how much he missed her, how much he wanted of her, but he thought to himself, "all too soon, and never to too late to tell her that he loved her"". By now she was back in the island, picked on to fight every day when called, why he left her waiting, every call had asking "when are you coming back?" and he only returned with "I don’t know, maybe today, maybe tomorrow, maybe never". She would almost slam on the phone on him but she wanted him to be there, missed him dearly. His days of being away from the island was over, he spoke no word about with her.

He picked on the very next flight back to the island. The first number he dialed for was for her, she saw his number on her phone and jumped out in pure joy, she cried his name in glee, he was only about to step out of the flight of stairs, his face smiled much simply that he should have, yet his self composed always had the best of him. They both talked through the night, all the way from the airport to his bed, finally he was home, he felt a lot more than that, his angel was back to be with him he thought. He couldn’t wait for the sun to rise and the clock to strike to the time they were supposed to meet. He waited for this for a long hard yet the happiest 6 months of his life, ever since she had asked him to be with her. He was up before the sun was, but her sunshine was up before him, he looked at his phone that never leaves his palm. 1 New Message – Wake up my baby boy, are you still sleeping? Don’t you want to see me… Can’t wait to see you. Jumped out of his bed and for a long shower, picked out his best for her, he wanted to be at his best for her. There he was waiting at the coffee shop they had planned to meet, where this time he was suppose to wait for her, fair enough he thought.

Looking at his phone screen, waiting for the seconds….

~ wtf ~

Sorry about the title, but this is call out for INDYANA!!!

I hope your blog deletion has nothing to do with trolls n BS's..

better show up soon :-(

~ leaving on a jet plane ~

With blood rushing all over his body, he has no sense of what has happened so wrong to her. His ear’s running out on patience to know what could be so terribly wrong that has made her weep out in public and his arms. She starts to blurt out for words and only silence and gasp for air comes out from her. He wipes her tears away, moves to an empty couch in the corner. Carrying her bag for her, he leaves it at his side and makes her sit down and let her catch her breath. She curls into his arms once again. Her fingers clutching his collar so tight that she doesn’t want to leave him even an inch of space between them. He brushes through her hair and holds her in one place over his chest, leaving her breath into his skin. His mind tries to hold still and let her come out with what she needs to say to him. No one says a word for time passes by. When she finally opens her eyes, wipes her tears away, holding his hands tight. She blurts out and only a loud sigh that comes out. She holds her breath and a tear at the corner of her eyes, “I have to leave you”.

His mind still blank, rewinding time in his head to figure the words that just came out of her. “You have to leave me?” with no emotions, with no drama in eyes. His eyes completely gone dark n wide. He wished he hadn’t heard what he heard from her. She only blurts out to cry, she has to leave him. He grabs her close to him. He tries again, “what do you mean you got to leave me?” she replies, she has got accepted to go to the university she fancied since she can remember. A loud sigh with relief comes out of him. She puzzled he’s not even moved by this. “Oh that’s great honey, CONGRATS” as he goes to give her a warm hug and tight squeeze. She moves back from him. “Didn’t you hear what I just told you?, I’m leaving on a plane to somewhere you wont see me”. “Your only going away to study, something you wanted, all your life and here is your chance”, he tries to comfort her. She punches into his arms, “Do you always have to be like this?”, punches him once again and pulls herself into his arms to rest a little while. “I’ve been crying ever since I got the letter and couldn’t stop even after talking to you last night”. He shrugs away saying, "its only going to be a only a couple of years, time will fly away honey. You can always come home for summer break or maybe I can come visit you." Her hands go around him and hold him tight. He keeps brushing through her thick dark hair n butterfly kisses on her forehead.

“Do you love me?” spills out from her lips, as he swiftly without wasting a second in silence he replies, “I love you more than anything else in the world, and you know that, and I’m not tired to say it a million times, Now would you like some hot chocolate with marshmallows?. He gets up away from her warmth, to get her something to eat. He knows she hasn’t had anything from last evening. He grabs her sandwich which he knows she is not going to finish, and her favorite strawberry milkshake. Finally a smile on her face when he returns, still dry tears on her cheeks. As she gets up and walks towards the washroom to clean up. He pushes himself back on couch, trying to just figure out what just happened to him in the last 10 minutes. It seemed as though his breath was taken away from him, his life force yanked out of him at the second she said she’s got to leave him. He just closes his eyes and catches his breath for a second. Feeling her fingers going through his rough hair, she pulls him close for quick peck on the cheek. “You know I love you right… Don’t ever leave me please, even if I want to leave” she blurs out. As comforting fortress as he is always, he pulls he up close to him, only to say “never ever.”

She wishes he would ask her not to leave him, but being that he is, what he believed in her, how much he cared about her, he always wanted her to spread her wings wider and go out there and be her best. She was a hard worker, he believed in her more than she believed in herself. Both wanted each other to be better than where they were. He always pushed her to become more, he loved n cared her more than she would know he thought to himself. But she always wanted a simpler life than what he did. Before they both met, they have spent different life separately and together. They both were searching for a reason and purpose in each other.

She parts from him, with much hesitation and reluctance. She knows more than what she has told him. He so naively believed in their dreams. How she always wanted a baby of his, a house just for them, long cold shower while in each others arms. She holds unto his arms tightly, while they both leave, her car waits for her. She gives him one last kiss before they leave, on his right side of the neck. As she takes her lips away from his skin and walks away from his hug, she doesn’t look back this time. He smells her strawberry lip gloss smear over his skin. He waits for her to turn, but she walks ahead in fast stride, as her car pulls he turns and walks away. Still with a naïve smile on his face, as he walks from it al. his phone beeps out – 1 New Text Message, he opens with no hesitation. Reading it in his head, in her voice, “Please don’t leave me ever, I know I’m a difficult person to be with, but I want you with me for the rest of my life. Even if I want you to, would be please stay and fight to be with me.” His fingers quickly moves to punch out, “love you always, no matter where I’m. Good night baby grl. Miss you even now, even though its been only few mins.”

Couple of weeks later, they both make the time to meet each other, just before the day she leaves. He would never forget the day. It was valentines, they both never fancied the overrated day of showing affection, but this time it was different. He had called in a day off, just to even see her beautiful innocent and naive smile of hers, the one that keeps him going in the long hard days at work, when the rest of the world around him crashes. But he was to meet her only for few minutes as she has not even finished packing her bags. He waited out half day, to meet her. They both end up meeting in a haste, he was a little annoyed that she didn’t make it alone, but with her friend. He hides his emotion well under his skin, only to show her happiness that she is there with him. They both act like friends, as her friend was not to know of their relationship. It felt strange to him, but only to understand that her friend was close to her mother and anything spills easily over to the other side could mean disaster, a point of no return for each other, their life’s would change or seize for ever.

They walk around the mall for the final time, in her mind, she thinks, when would she get this long walks, window shopping or even to spend time with him. He takes out for a little treat, asks her to pick anything she likes from the store she strolls in. She picked a couple of dresses, which he jumped to pay for, it drove her mad, it drove her up the walls. She pinches him in front of everyone; she smiles and walks away to the car waiting for her. It ended with a simple hug, He was still left numb, each time she hugs him, there was something about her that he never understood at that moment, when she hastily left him. He tried to grab her hand one last time, just a few more seconds of her soft skin in his hand, but only to find her fingers slip away from his. He stood there watching the car drive away from, he could see her turning her to the back to catch a glimpse of him.

His phone that never stops ringing, thinking its one of those business calls, he picks it up to see a message from “love you baby, happy valentine. Call me tonight, I want to hear your voice before I catch that damned plane, thanks for the dresses.” With a smirk he replies, “anything within my grasp for you baby”. But in his heart he promised to give her a life, the world at her feet, his angel, and his miracle. He often thought to himself, in his silent silly coyish day dream, how lucky he was to be with her, after all that he’s been through, and he thought life still has something for left. Just one last person, who completely loves him for the way he is and wouldn’t change anything about him. But he has come along way, from the player type that he was, to melting at every word of his woman to be. He thought to himself, this is one time I’m not going to give up easily on. I’m going to fight, and until the end, even if its six feet under.

That night, he called to speak to her, but only to get a busy tone. He tried again and again and again, but still the busy tone, wondering if he should call her on her home line. He denies the urge to call her on that, try once more a voice in his head. He tries, with the luck of his stars on his side, she answers in a plain “hello”, he replies in a high pitch glee “hi”. “I cant talk right now, mom around, can I call you from the airport?”, he shrugs in disappointment, “sure, talk to you later.” She hung up on the other side, before he could even open his mouth to tell her that he loves her. Couple of hours pass by, with still no return call from. Voices in his head echo, “she must be going through immigration now, wait a few minutes”. His patience wears thin as he picks up the phone to call her, no answer on it, tried again, still no answer, tried again, only to find a tired n sad “hello baba”, he replies without showing any sad emotion, trying to cheer up, “How are you my baby girl, so you finally get the chance to run away from me”, laughs in a evil glee. She returns sharply “you really thing I want to leave you?, don’t you dare be checking out girls while I’m away” and she asks for a hug over the phone, and he replies “one real tight hug just for my baby, coming right up”. Both of them laugh away at each other’s childishness in them, even after ageing. He senses her tiredness in her voice as her laugh slips into a long sigh. “So would you miss me”, he asks. Lately both of them have not had the time for each other, he working on a new project for the company, while she was busy with packing and letters and restless situation at home.

They both say bye to each other, he waits until she went off on him, and she was waiting for the same of him. Both of them push out a long sigh, and he comes out first, “I’m going to miss you more than ever, take care baby, don’t be much of a naughty girl now” and she replies, “I’m going to miss you like nothing; you just don’t know how much I love you”. They both go on to say bye for the last time, “love you, kiss kiss”. He knows that she leaves to a land half way across the world from where he is, but he holds on to hope and dreams she has given him, one day they would be together, soon, very soon. As he goes through the messages she has sent him over the months they’ve been together, smiling at each and every message from her. He puts his phone down, takes a walk on the balcony, where he spent hours of every night on phone conversation with her when he comes home after work. She has left him with memories that would last him a life time, which he would drag it with him even to eternity. But something in his mind is not right, a hunch, an intuition, that something is not right, the way she has been with him. Somewhat colder than her usual warm n fussy baby like nature. He shrugs off all doubts in his head. He wants to be with her, no matter what comes in the way, he promised to her, he would love her forever.

She settles herself on the window seat, looking out for hope, as she leaves the island and her man behind for a childhood dream, her life long hard work which is waiting to her hers today. She wishes she hadn’t applied for it, this was before they both met each other, before she fell in love with a man who couldn’t be more rusty on the outside and so soft and cushy inside. She loved his passion, his talking, she would spend hours in front of him watching him talk, go on and on and on about anything. She put her arms around her, a voice in her head “He deserves to know everything, you should have told him everything, he would understand and still love you every little bits of you”, another voice echoes against that “He deserves to be happy, my work with him is done, he’ll move on, I’m just another girl to him…”. Sound of the roaring jet engine brings her back to reality, a tear at the corner of her eye, dribbles down on her cheeks. She closes here eyes and tries to remember his warmth one last time. She is leaving on a jet plane, leaving him behind, leaving her love behind. His voice inside her head “I’m going to miss you more than eve.. I’m going to miss you more th…. I’m going to miss you” as she slowly drifts into sleep. With the engine roaring away from the tarmac, lift off and away. His hopes flies away with her, her heart so heavy that even she couldnt not carry. He slips away to bed, thinking of how long will it take for them to meet again. For him to feel her warmth, her love, her smile, those dark, glistening peircing eyes. He's dozed off before he even realises that sleep has taken over him.

~ coffee date ~

Looking at his phone screen, waiting for the seconds to pass until the time for him to meet the one he has been sitting motionless for the passing tensed minutes. Memories rush into his head of the times they’ve been together. The good ones racing to come out before the bad ones, but he sulks in them all and let’s himself drift into a dreamland where everything seems to be a bliss. He pictures the first day they both met, where he saw the tensed look on her face and watch it all fade away as he gave away her favorite flowers he picked for her on the way to meet her. He spent more time at picking the flowers than he did getting ready. Thoughts of doubt rushed into him, yet he kept his player coolness and brushed away that adrenaline rush to his head. He was only looking straight into her eyes, complimented her genuinely about the way she looked and how great she smelled and a nice hair do which took her time n effort. He let her make her choice of what she wants, liked her instant comfort in his company and his in hers; he knows there is more than just this coffee she hesitantly agreed to.

He left her to let her naturally fall into his comfortable arms, when she sulked deep into the leather couch they both were in; his hands slowly went around her, holding her gently close to him, with a soft brush over arms, which made her giggle n brush away saying “don’t you dare try tickling me”. For which he took as a challenge and let his hands reach towards her hip and tickle her over slight bulge which she was embarrassed that it revealed and she covered with her arms around herself. He drew back, reaching for the coffee on the table, as she reached forward towards his back and put her right arm over his shoulder and the other around his waist and rested her head on his broad strong shoulder. Her hair conditioner faintly filling his air that he inhales and exhales out, as he draws a sip on his bone dry coffee, how he likes them best from his favorite coffee shop.

She tells him not to move, stay on a little longer until she thinks she had enough of his strong body against her. She lets go off him and he hands her cream caramel latte, her hands reach for them, as fingers brush against each other and eyes meet throwing electricity at one and another. They hold themselves looking into each others eyes and her fingers slowly crawling over his now, as he lets go of the cup and she takes them over, goes back to rest on the couch, crossing her legs over on the right, a little closer to him. His fingers slowly run over her smooth skin and draws back. Restricting himself not to let his past walk into his present. There was some mystery hidden in her, loneliness that crept her at night and took away her sleep, a yearning to be loved, which he read about her in all the long nights of messaging each of all the random things they both kept coming up with into the wee hours of the morning, until he dozed to bed, with his fingers on the keypad.

“Lets break the silence” she said, “do you find me boring?” with a innocent smile that followed with her question. He answers “I’m just mesmerized by your beauty, in a trance, in a way making me feel high on coffee with you, I just can’t say if it’s you or the coffee, that’s making me feel this way”. She blushes away from him, slaps his arms softly and then fingers curl around it as she pulls herself to him. “So do you have a girl friend?”, he looks blank into her eyes, as she can only draw a embarrassing smile, which she takes in another sip of her latte to cover herself from the stupid question which she blurted out. He emotionally replies “not anyone other than the one sitting right next to me”. She draws back at the reply and questions his reply. He sits the coffee down and turns towards her, takes her hand in his, almost on his knees, “would you be my girl friend?” in a melody. She bursts into a hysterical laugh, as he tries to wipe away his embarrassed, quizzical smile. She sharply replies “I already have one!” He’s puzzled by her answer, waits for her to continue, as she says “What?” He raises his eyebrows and nods motioning her to continue. She excuses herself and walks to the restroom, leaving him puzzled, with blood rushing all over his body, he starts shaking his leg and the words “I already have one!” keeps running through his head over n over n over again.

He doesn’t realize she is back, until she ruffles his already messy hair, he tries to excuse himself for not tidying up. She covers to say – “that’s alright, ill excuse you only for today my boyfriend”. With a sharp turn towards her, his eyes wide open, looking straight into her eyes, questioning her answer. She replies softly by saying, “you were my boyfriend already before you asked me the formal question, that’s why I even agreed to meet you”. They had not shared pictures of each other, they both wanted to leave out the looks for fate to decide, but they shared a lot more than that. His past, his pains, his dark desires, his willingness to change from those dark desire, his silly escapades with other females, his faults, his taunts, his goofy hilarious laugh, his flirtatious cues. Her painful childhood, her torn family, her love for animals, her wish to disappear, her loneliness, he childish wants of cookies, dancing in the rain when no one is watching, dream about a prince charming, her belief in romantic fairy tales and lastly her painful breakup that takes away her beautiful smile each time she thinks about it.

They both somehow formed a cocoon for both of them to find comfort in each other and dwell into after a long tiring day, they said the cruel world had to offer. His awe happiness she could read from his gasp for air and the excitement in his dark brown eyes as they glee up and wide open. He couldn’t believe his ears and blurted out “come again”. She came closer to him, kissed him softly on his cheeks and threw her hands around his neck, leaving him flabbergasted and in awe, he slowly collects himself and puts his arms around her slowly, holding her in a gentle hug. She whispers, “I love you” and draws herself from the hug and turns herself away from him, slightly mad at herself, without evening knowing if he had any feelings for her. She cursed her lips for jumping out before her mind can decide. He moves without her notice, plucks out a little flower from the trees around them, and comes behind her slowly, softly keeps it on her dark thick jet black hair. She turns around in a glee and he gets on knees, arms wide open with the words “I LOVE YOU” escaping his lips in all meaning and purpose. She tries to hide her face from the sweet embarrassment, with the by passers in their laugh and claps and astonishment at his public confession of his love.

She pulls him put to her and pushing her face into his chest to hide and vanish away, as he slowly raises her chin, looks only into her eyes filled with blissful love, he softly kisses her on the corner of her lips and lets her rest herself on him, face buried in his chest, fingers holding his collar of his dark blue shirt, in a tensed grasp to not let go as if it’s the end of the world. He assures that he is not going to leave her for anything else. From now on, she’s all that’s left in his world, he thinks she knows that. She hesitantly accepts to what he says. Both left to dream in each other’s arm. He realizes it’s been a while as a bill lands on his table. Paying what’s due, “are you ready to leave” he asks, “you promised you wouldn’t leave me for anything!” she replied. He strokes her hair, “you’ve got to go home my silly girlfriend”, “yes, but not yet” she replies. He lets her have it her way. His lips crawl to her ear, once again “love you my silly baby”. She smacks him sharply on his arm and only to hurt herself. “Let’s go”- she finds the words to put out. He says “a little while more please”, she rests back on him as he keeps stroking her hair. They both part ways, were waiting for one and another to leave the other. Her phone rings, as she looks at the display, and *sighs* my driver is here. She kisses him on the cheeks and parts with a bye. As he returns them, she pulls away in haste, and winks at him. His lips moves to make out the words I love you and he signs to call him. She turns her back on him, he watches her walk away from him, feet away from him with each passing second. He *sighs* and walks away. Pulling his phone out of his pocket, he reads 1 New Message, goes on to open the message, ‘I love you, silly boy friend. Kiss’, thumbs at the keypad to reply ‘love you butterfly’.

Only thing that draws up on his dark face, is a smile that is never tired of coming up, each time he thinks about her. But today, he felt a sudden rush in his body, his mind a little more disturbed than usual. Trying to relax himself in his dark worn out jeans, a t-shirt she had bought for him and his messy hair how she always liked it, his two days unshaven scruffy dark face. He opens the last message she had sent him last night after an hour long conversation, reads in his mind, “please come meet me tomorrow, I want to see you, good night, try not to miss meJ.” Tapping his fingers on the screen and the deep stare at the entrance from where he is seated, waiting for her at the same coffee shop he met her for the first time. His lips widen in a soft smile, as he see’s her open the door and walk in, pulling out her phone to call him. He stands up for her and waves her to come over. There was no smile on her face, a casual jean and top that he had got for her in one of the many dates and window shopping spree they had been out, this particular one she was found at the first look, which he disappeared and the next minute it was wrapped and handed to her in an instant. Along with the pair of earrings’ that he got for her from the last business trip that kept them both away for a long 2 months. She walks right up to him, as he open his arms for that warm hug she fancies any day any time of the day or night, she bursts into a slight cry with tears pouring like water rushing after a flood gate was let lose. He’s lost at what could have terribly happened.

He try his best to calm her down, takes her hand bag and lays it on the table next to them, he didn’t care what people around him thought of them at the moment. Only she mattered to him. He swore to bring the wrath on anyone that made her cry or even ounce of displeasure. She tries to speak amidst her cries and heaves. He kisses her on her forehead and holds her hands tight, “its alright baby boo, I’m here, everything would be ok.” He tries his best to figure out what could have possibly gone wrong. She tries to speak out again, he makes her rest for little while longer until she wipes her tears off and start to say “I have to …….”………. (to be continued)

~ the days gone by ~

Don't think I’ve ever taken such a long break from writing, the last post shows, 3months ago; this is of a list of things that happened last year.  The New Year has been really a tough one so far, in all good ways. I was asked to come join another company. A decision which I may have done blindly or not though I wouldn’t know yet. But never the less it was decided that I called it quits with the company I’ve been working for the last 5 years. It was in a way lil hard in the last few days of cleaning my desk off and drawers which were always empty or with others stuff. But what I’ve learnt so far from the company, the ppl, the bosses, has been tremendous. I’ve never pictured myself as I corporate guy, heck I didn’t even dream of sitting on a desk and doing what I do best with numbers and a pc. But that has all changed over the years and how I’ve developed myself into becoming more resourceful and expendable asset to an organization. The company grew in size as in a way of buy over and merger, found myself to be a grain of sand on the longest beach. With all this I expected growth, a growth that was promised and some reason that had slipped under the carpet and remain unspoken of. I was very disgruntled at this, but never did I stop doing what I was supposed to do. So I remained there, until I found a suitable chance of moving out, and I did jump at the first instance I got. Which didn’t come easily, it was long 2-3 months process I would say. A lot goes for the global economic downturn, or so they say.

Now I’ve moved to a smaller organization. Comparatively, well you can’t actually compare cause the company im working for is less than the dept I use to be running back at the old office. So you can imagine how I might actually feel, there is a big hole left of how things worked and happened. But im trying to stay focused with my goals and try to pick up things on the way. I’m not saying it’s entirely not worth my effort in there, but I do have a certain way of working, which is not matched easily. Standards which I set myself too high always, working at a pace which normally higher than how a company actually works with all the red tapes, large corporate structure and all that comes along. I’m stuck in the mid –way thinking if it was the right choice. Well many didn’t advice against it, well I didn’t ask much though, I got the offer, and then I just accepted it and gave the news. The working hours are a big toll, but then again, I guess it’s a sacrifice I’ve got to make to get what I need. Since I’ve started working, which is closing to 2 weeks, I’ve had only 4hours of sleep maximum.

Not that its long hours, it’s the hours of work that makes it difficult. I’ve been working on UK project for the past 5 years, so which means I have the luxury of getting out of my bed really late, cause I have to work when UK works, so that mean I get to office only by 1.30 in the afternoon n drag till 10.30.. All that changes now, caused I’ve managed to get myself to work for the aussies.. Given that they are 5.30 hrs ahead of us, I have to give up my sleep, I have to start at 3 in the morning and go on till 11 in the afternoon. Hours haven’t changed, but the zone has. It’s still hard to find myself the proper sleeping pattern. I get a nap in the bus on the way back home actually. One of these days if you do see me sleeping somewhere along the road, pls do come say hi!

So I shall write more in due time with the tales of down under. Well not actually, I still live in the sl and have to work for them. What is the perk, I get paid in AUD(I haven’t got my paycheck yet, so hold it, what ever thought that came in the head), well not for long as they are trying to establish to pay in SLR, sucks kinds like. And I work on the 5^th floor of the high roll apartment of Colombo ;-) but I still haven’t seen any hot one’s yet.. Maybe I need to pick another roster or move around the lobby maybe.. Hope I didn’t give out too much detail.. J

So until then, I’m still alive. A lot has been happening on the side, where I’ve become a certified bastard by any degree/classification I would say; well that’s what I’ve been to a close friend of mine. Don’t think I will talk about it at all. But just that I don’t want to say SORRY or even ask for FORGIVENESS. I’ve turned my back on someone who needed me the most and what’s done is done, I don’t know how else to put it.  OH I’ve been soooo inspired to write something similar to a post I read lately, not sure of the blogger, it’s something like bohemian …something! My jaws literally dropped at reading the post. I shall try my hands on that, but im sure I would never accomplish the style of writing. Jeez the post is too long; don’t think anyone would have gotten down so far.. me got to go now, wondering if I shud play on ps2 or watch new season of Heroes, or pen down that story. Oh and the post comes as request from someone, and SOMEONE, you know who I’m talking about.

~ so it is christmas ~

So its christmas... well almost i wud say. Join in the bandwagon of post on the recap of the happenings for this year. Its been a tough and most challenging of all times I wud say. With a lot of good things and even more hard times I’ve faced over the years. Not to sound melodramatic.. but personally I’ve change, which is not of voluntarily, my mind has once again managed to form the cocoon to protect myself from emotional pains.


Warning, I’ve taken the dare to put up my image! Indya.. here’s ur chance to catch the lo$t $oul..


Jan - So the year began with me taking over the team which I’ve toiled my heart n brains for the last 4yrs. I never saw myself working for any company for more than 3yrs. But when I did get the break right at end of my 3yrs from another company and spoke abt my resignation, my big boss asked for the offer and topped it up. So ended up staying with the same company. A lot was on my shoulder with the beginning of the year. But somehow got through the first month..



Feb - a year since my ex left the country, the last time I ever saw her as my gf, right on valentines day. ironic?!?!? Saw one of my best friend get married, went all out, got ma hair done, got a new suit, shoes. One of the best days I wud say.


Mar – Well when most of the heat at work started working itself and I wasn’t in the best of minds to go all out for the team, as there was few difference between myself and the management. The bestie who wud be my side, hanged the cloak up with the company and called it quits.


April – mostly uneventful, but with a lot of pain and post breakup trauma. I was starting to lose my cool for even the slightest mishap at work.
May – ever more increasing of nothing but pain from the breakup. A lot of misunderstandings, fingering pointing all to one side(took it all up cos I was the one to blame for everythin, she deserved someone better than me, after all). A whole load of heat at office too abt my management style or lack thereof.



June – never got around to writing much, maybe a single post at most. By now work ate most of my time and energy. Being alone n lonely made my time even more miserable can it already be…



July – lost a family friend, who was more than family in 99.99% of the occasion, I think I wud call him family. Has been around even before I was born, and the age im right now and still around helping out a lot and being with my family, he deserves a award!! He has been a lot close since my dad died, years back. I never had a father figure around, but his stories of his young prime n youthful days, makes you wanna get outta ur skin n live life with no boundaries. With as with everything, no one can understand me or give into wht ever im doing, so there was a lil misunderstanding and lack of communication over the last year. But is loss is just too grave, which I cannot relate too. They say you can escape death for certain while, and finally it does catch up with u ironically…




Shortest trip I’ve ever made to india. Left the country on a Tuesday afternoon, was at the airport just 30 mins before the departure time, landed in india, took the bus in another hr, was in the bus for another 12hrs, landed in home town, attended the funeral, and was there till Friday, another 12hr bus to Chennai, back on Monday morning and back to work.
Along with it came my resignation of heading the team. After a lot of persuasion from big boss, same guy who convinced me stay back, took the time to have along conversation in his busy day, so sit me down and make me understand wht I need to do. Was persuaded to stay back and take a entirely different role in leading the team. But everythin changed just over a day. And I was definite of position of stepping down and so it happened in a unlikely professional manner.

August – a lil niece turned 1 with me when I turned 23. Both the same date, the family is dreading and standing on pins if she wud turn out be big bad boy cuz… and having a knuckle head like me as the shoulder look over.


Sept - my ex was back in the country for her wedding. Met her as she wanted to give me the wedding card. Put it all up, cos I somehow owed her that much. So how I cudnt stop myself from seeing, when I promised never to see her ever again in my life. But with all that, just wanted to know how she is doing now. One last time before she becomes someone man. Top it all up, was suited up for her wedding, how far can this get?!!? You may think…
Had the best trip of my life time with my family. Got kinda attached to the family since the beginning of the year. Spent a whole weekend, travelling around 2 places I haven’t been to in the last 8-10 yrs. Set off to Nuwerliya on a Friday morning, was there until Saturday lunch, back to kandy to tree of life and then on Sunday to lunch at mahaveli… food was awesome, drinks taste different when you have ur uncles mixing it for you…


Oct - nothing happened that stands out...

Nov – mostly uneventful I would…except that i completed 5 yrs in the company.


Dec – it is Christmas, thinking back on all the stuff happening, spending time away from a lot of things, indulgence.. for which I didn’t have the luxury for yet did manage to get around it…


Wishing everyone a happy holidays.. hope the next year works out better…..

~ just another day ~

where has my love gone
im not just talkin about a person
but my love for living life itself
i've lost my way in too many ways
im not someone who is proud of myself anymore
i've lost the pride that let my head held up high
im not the same i was year(s) back
i've simply become a regular average next door chump

i always knew i was made for somethin larger than who im now
its just that i dont know what it is, where im suppose to be
it has always been an elusive search for inevitable loss at the end
every search begins with a perpetual question
with only the end being the beginning of another
i've lost in the race of suppose to being someone
the soul burns with only desire of roaring high above
but only to taste the dust of the earth where ma knees crumble to

i do not take interest in anythin anymore
its sad and pathetic of my ownself to know i've lost and do nothin abt it
maybe i deserve it after all, karma does have its way
i've done my fair of the dark deeds which has only sold my soul to the devil
so many deserve what i had, or whats left of it after all the destruction
im a walking disaster, a disaster too bold for my own good
i've become to embrace the darker side of me to dwell in its solitude
to only feed the hunger of my pain with more sorrow and darkness

since i lost my love, i've only searched for one thing
destroy every last thing about me that made someone fall in love with me
i've become this creature unworthy of its existance
finding if atleast guilty would wash away the love i have left of
what was taken away from me cannot be returned
and to watch it being handed over on a silver platter to someone in grande gesture
can only make it clear, she indeed deserve someone always better than me
karma just worked itself into my soul, the only way to break me is love
love for the one who i most had it for,to break me was to take it away from me
i was too proud that i was in love who i know was most beautiful in everyway through my eyes
you have ur flaws which only ppl know to point out
but i know of the love we had for each other

my present is consumed by the past i had with you
i've only searched for it some way to be locked away
too deep that even in my last moments i wudnt feel it again
making me want to live the pain even though i knew wht it wud be
and where do i stand today, just left to feeling completely worthless
where in this love was i blinded from the truth of the life
good and evil can never join to become one
i dont where i'm suppose to lead myself to now
with you around i thought i has a purpose
wish i can let myself to believe in me again
i've lost it to believe i wud ever make anything good of whats given to me
i've lost it to trust myself ever again
for once not break it down to a million pieces
to treasure it someplace safe
and right now its only the memories of you and me
no matter what has happened now and time before
no one can take what you gave me to keep deep in me
your love and the times with you
the feeling of holding you, being in love, being loved
and today for tomorrow and the day after to follow there is nothin left to take away
what was mine and mine only was taken away the day you u had to let me go
my soul just flew out of my body and i turned to nothin

where i stand today, is not where i want to be
you know abt my stubborness to even hurt myself to prove you a point
and yet you ask of me things which shud have never escaped your lips
there is nothin that i can hate you for cos i know why you did what you did
but im only glad you've finally understood it yourself
it was a choice you made, and your sticking by the choice you made
listening to BEST I EVER HAD at 2 in the mornin
thinking about how times have changed and so have we
no more long chats, no more fights on the phone, no more sorry to tell each other
no more acting cute just to get smiling like baby with all the innocence in the world
tryin to put it all in a box where i leave on a jet plane to far off land
but like always even the plane is no where to be found not even the deserted island
nothin will feel like the wy it did with you, nothin will change
everywhere its just you and simply cant help but only to pack away
and im not even lucky to do that, just the perfect end