~ so long... ~

Never been the guy who had the right words to say bye
even though we would see each other often
even though we would have a long way to go
we part today as colleagues
a bond that can never been replaced
a friendship that means more than anythin in my life
a good 4 years fightin, arguing, being there for me
there is nothin i would wanna go back n redo today
but in silent promise to be there for you

we never got started on the right foot
still we managed to find somethin to keep us together this long
looking back at all of it, it jus seems blur
how we met, how we came together
how we parted from each other, still found each other
all the laughs all the misunderstanding
someone who knew to knock me down when i had to be
the one person i ever gave ear to
the who knew changed the animal to the man
yet still treat me a kid

through your struggles and hardship u've never forgotten to smile
in turn made me look at u in a whole different way i've never seen
as a person, there couldnt be anyone to beat your place in my heart
as a friend, i'd have to write all day long what u've been to me
as a colleague, how to be a figure to look for professionalism
i could never finish thanking for everything you've been for me
but i guess you should know by now, im not much of spoken words

u've given me light in my life like no other
and yet you ask me to search for more brightness in my life
before i met you and who im right now
not many ppl would know my true self
before im nothing, beside you im just your shadow
everything u've given me can never be replaced

there is no one who knows me inside out like u do
what made you tear me up n look for whats inside
all i do right now is smile thinkin about all the long night chats
the coffee's together, the silent walks, the standin up, the fights
endless memories of our time together
how is that i decided to let u ride along with me
time's we walked away from each other
yet coming back together without ever mentioning about it

its been a real good life
and now your not going to be around with me
to ask me to keep ma cool, to let it go, to be sensitive
where wud i go looking for the wisdom of yours
where wud i go looking for the smile when my world seems to be crashin
where wud i run to when i need advice
guess i'd have to keep it all together by myself


the bond we share is just so strange and comfortable
how we both know that there is somethin bothering the other
how well we fit in each other's uncomfortable zone
the space we make for each other, the time we make for us
how each other bluntness makes us laugh in the toughest times
how we managed to stick up for each other no matter how hard it became
the silent conversation with each other

wish i had all videoed, just to sit back and watch it all over again
and yet still smile about the time we had together
how can i ever pay back for the angel u've been to me
guess thats a question left for you answer
i hope we'd have a lot more years together to laugh, to cry
for you to tell me "I hate you lo$t $oul" everytime i read you
so here's to the 4 years of tolerating a nonsense like me
hope i'd make it upto to you someday and make some of ur dreams come true
all i ask from you is to keep that smile of urs on always
have the best in life, for your good heart nothin can beat you
love you grl.. take care of your self...c u sooner than ever.

~ overdue ~

this is something which i got last August over a friends b'day. Everyone was totally against it.. but then again.. its just me ;-)

comments pls.. :-)

~ behind curtains ~

i dont know why u got to hide behind curtains
wht can i do to make u come out of it
tell me how u feel for me
sittin up here dreaming about the pain n love
everythin seems to have changed
my body has forgotten how ur hands crush mine
how evertime ur lips meet mine sends shivers down my spine
ur baby soft skin rubbin mine cheek
but in my mind all too fresh to ever let it go
the smell of ur hair, ur kiss, ur skin
i still can feel the gloss on my neck before left me
how ur hands crushed me and held onto it longer
i never relaised that u wre goin to leave me
wanted to hold me one last time before never forever

im suppose to be stronger than this
what happened to my castle with all those high walls
where did it all go before you
u just stepped up and if all fell n tumbled
left u see the real me
behind the bad boy, the animal, lost cause
there was someone who believed in hope love and you
when everyone else was just another name just another number
u stood there until i walked and took u in my arms
someone i'd never forget in this life time
not even my soul would know to forget the happiness you gave
the time u've made smile when everythin fell apart
the deep look into ur eyes which gave me hope
your caring words and warmth that gave me love
and the friend that you gave me of urself
i can never forget the love which i had for you

what happened to the promises we made
we stick till the end no matter wht comes through
im still stickin to my end of the deal
waiting for you to pick me up where u left me
but the flight you took is just on one way ticket
no return no look back
just promsises and questions left unaswered
im here looking for the trace where i went wrong
maybe i wasnt the one who wre looking to take home
thought u knew that before we even started anything
has social staus, money, car, greener pasture bought ur love off me
did it settle our promises
everyone's got a price, everything got a price
i never could afford to buy u off that

days have passed me by n its been a year since u let go
it still feels likes yesterday ur voice ringig in my ear
your last cry i heard from you n i was a fool to say it be alright
all the while been the fool to believe in love
to believe somethin good as u wud ever last for ever in my life
there is a pain which crushes my heart each time i keep think abt us
wish it wud crush n flush the blood out of my heart
so it stops beating n let my lo$t $oul rest in peace
a wish no one can fulfill for me a eternal only which only u can put me to
i need to stop cryin over you, i need to stop thinkin abt us
u've moved on, it times for me to move on
not to someone else, but on with my life
u'd be fresh in my mind for longer than you know
i can't let anyone else take your place
there is not enough room to anyone
u've taken it all, stolen n lost it

~ its been a while ~

been running too wild, far too long
its easy to say im just 22 for now
to say its just the beginning n not the end
for all i know nobody fits ma shoes
cos im the animal iam
there is nothin i can do about it
its goin to be the wilder
im search of my end with no destiny

hating to have let go of u
but i had to, now regrettin n weepin over it
time to wake up from this
let go of ma love let go of the pain
let myself be the stranger iam
hearts so cold like u say
takin ma mind of you

with no feeling no emotions
its all the doubts and gaps fillin between me n u
there is nothin that you can do now to fill the gap
wish i can let my soul fly from this body
close my eyes n go to rest for ever
could you grant me the eternal rest

i didnt ask to you love me
i was fine before you swept the ground i was standing on
this life doesnt have no justice
why is that everytime i love its got to be taken away
there is nothin in my life which is goin to make me feel better
words cant heal ma pain nor stitch it back like how it was
just left me back n packed ur bags n flew far away

u cant say anythin now to make it right
whtevers done is goin to stay as it is
where ever ur right now, ur love is gone
its just me alone here, there is nothin u can abt it
u cant ask me to be a better man
you've for me stranded me and trapped in your web
i cant seem to walk away, i keep circling back
would i ever know the exist to this
spending time alone thinknin abt u n me

love aint enough this world to make a relationship work
u need everythin else for the love to work
i did go crazy every second i think about
when u left me lovestoned
thinkin about you use to love me
i cant wake up everythin thinkin how we spent time
just aint right no more cos everythings too far back
too long for you to remember

can u give me back the nights thinkin abt u
wondering if u'd be thinkin abt me
everythin so still here while i see u move fast across me
u've left me no number left me no name left me nothin
why am i sayin it now wht i shud have told u wen u left me
nothins goin to change, nobody can rewind
its gone far too away for me to reach
and i still cant seem to find the close
end it all for me, right now right here
this is to since a year you walked away n let me go
and the years of pain its going to be

~ still ~

still alive.. without a reason. waiting for the ending...
would fate bring my end or wud it be my own self
i have nothin left in this world
i have pain and a lil happiness left this heart
the happiness only seems to be dryin away each day
before i turn back to stone take me away

~ lo$t again ~

everythin around doesnt mean anythin anymore
all i ever did was i loved you more each day
and it just wasnt enough for both of us
we parted away with a smile and tear in our hearts
today im here nothin but to love you still
you would never understand the love i had for you
each day passes by only with ur smile in my mind
ur fragrance still in my memory
all i wanna do is just to walk away from it all
but i cant seem to find the strength in my heart to do that
all i wanted to give u happiness
so i let you go
n today im so lonely n too tired to keep fightin
i cant fight no more, just too much of misery
im nothin but dead in my heart
nothin but pain
nothin but broken heart
wud it ever end
wud i ever get tht same love again

i thought i wud be over you sooner
but there is so much u dont know
so much i didnt i had for you
evrythin around me is so blur
everythin around me doesnt matter no more
all i want is ur love
which i wud never get again
why did i ever let u go
do i even know your happy
do i know the smile is not fake
am i being blind that you've moved on
im still stuck here with the love i have for you
tried to move on so many ways
i can only think just to forget everythin
everythin reminds about u
everythin around me reminds about you

what did i ever do to make u fall for me
n today im nothin but fallen
far too gone to come back
not this time, not again
just too lost n cant find my way
all i wanna do is end the misery im goin tru
no one can love me the wy u did
u filled the heart with so much of love
now its so heavy n i cant go on like this forever
take my pain away, take away the love you put in there
take away the memory, take away everythin u had
i cant do this anymore
i cant live everyday with a smile thats not for you
im jus throwin away wht i have today

all i wanted was to make you happy
wud i ever know that i made u happy
wud i ever get to see that innocent smile
wud i ever get to feel in my arms again
hate to ever think u just left just like that
u gave me hope, u gave me love
now you took it all way within a breath
before i ever even knew what i've lost in my life
the rainin aint stoppin filled with tears
this aint how we suppose to be
this aint wht we dreamed of
where did we lose each other n end up in misery
why cant i hate u n forget you
why cant i move on
why does my mind tell me u havent left me yet

i've tried to look for my way
end up with nothin but just ur memories
please tell me how do i end it al
end all this pain n love for you
am i payin the price for not loving only you
why did u even leave me alive
u shud have taken away my life when u left me
u took away the life in me n left only body
today i've lost my soul to you
goin gone for ever, like you wanted it to be urs 4evr.

~ stranded and hurt ~

would it matter im alone today
after dreaming about being with you
everythin turn so sour between us
there is nothin which i can go back to
i don want to sit around thinkin its goin to be ok
even though everyone seems to keep sayin it
no one can make me feel like how i felt about u
every sec i was with you
i made it to be wit you
tell me wht happened tell me where did we go wrong
tell me where did i go wrong
wishin that i had the answer to all the question in ma head
i know i wud never get an answer
its all rumbling inside me wishin i wud see u all those vanish
but time n luck is not on my side today
not today nor will it come back tomo

everytime i wish that wht we went through was a dream
it only comes back in memories of the times i had u with me
n today u belong to someone i cant even think in mind
it just gets hard so time, i feel only guilty all along
u made me happy like no other grl in my life
i aint tellin u now to make myself know wht it means to lose u
just another wy of lettin myself i lost somethin which never belonged
never looked a wy to slip through the back door
where did i go when u needed me
why couldnt u find me when u needed me like u used to
wht happened to we tell each other wht we want
why couldnt u ever talk to me at the end
was i so hard on u to walk away from u
i never asked u stay?
i never asked u to leave to begin with


u wanna think i been emotionless
u know nothin about wht i went through to get here today
i made myself for u, just never showed u myself entirely
u know the dark side of me, u know the downs i've been through
u sticked up as friend, wht happened now
was i too heavy to have u in ur heart anymore
everyday passes by wishin i had an end to the ache in my heart
it only keeps gettin heavier
tears just boil up in my eyes everytime i think about u
where did u go when u wanted me
why did u run away from me when u wanted to me
im not asking u back
i have can never have u the way i had u when i did
today is just another day without u
ur not here, not anymore
not even as a friend to talk when i want to

i miss the baby talk, the rants, the obsession
i miss the part of me which did crazy things just for u
everytime i wud just chuckle wondering why am this to u
just got the answer in a sour way
today i miss being in love with you
nothin can make it right ever again
i've packed my bags, damn its just too heavy for me
wht im today has everythin to do with you
i cant move on upackin u away
but i got no choice except to get up n walk with heaviness
why does love hurt to so bad
not as much it hurt everytime u wanted me to act as though nothin happened
i can play the nice guy anymore baby
it just too much right now

i run towards whts runnin away from
i run back when i see somethin comin my wy
why did i run into u n bump my head into urs
i still don get wht got me into u
its just crazy n ull never know how much yesterday means to me
its not only u whos cryin
u just aint here to watch me
ur times up with me
i wanna know i kept u happy
i hope u never shed a tear for me, cause i aint worth tht
hope u know how to fake a smile for ur today
i aint there no more to be ur baby boy
i cant make u laugh no more
i cant make u cry no more
i cant wish i had u in my arms
all i did was let u down today
u had wht it took to call it over when u know it aint goin no where


back to being the warrior, back to the field
all tht comes to ma mind is u
i cant take it out whts a cancer in me
eatin me lil by lil
if i do, i wudnt be who iam today
i never said, i never got to see ur smile
u didnt wanan c me when u got back
u didnt wanna know how im doing witout u
but why wud u wanna answer it now
never wanna dish u down
but all i do think wht we did n been through
am i ever goin to know to let it my past n walk away
it just tied to me i got no place to go
except the wrong way
this is not how i hoped it wud end
but it don matter now, walked away
kept walkin away from each other and that we did
not even look back to see for each other

no one can give me what u give me
the first time of being in ur arms
having the most beautiful angel whom wanted to be with me
wonder to myself wht happened now
im not worth no more for u to have stayed n fight
i didnt have chance to stand up n fight
i'd be under six feet under if we did
but tht didnt matter, i wanted to know atleast u wud fight with me to the end
guess the answer was no, the end u wrote on a call
u got let me go, u can hold me anymore
cause u got someone else to take care of u
even without ur choice u had to just walk into it
someone so strong i jsut wonder wht went where

all im doing right now is sitting here
writing how i feel about
its the fire of love, that burnin my heart out
i wish the flame wud go out
so all i can do is drink up for my pain
with a fake smile on my face
all its goin to take is a mistake
for me to take the step back to where i was
im prayin for the chance to get it over n get it done
even the curse of death doesnt like me anymore
like how it use to like me when i was with u
the love cannot be replaced my another
but just my action which can cheat on the love i had for u
waiting for the chance to give up on my life
i don have wht it takes to take it away
u cud have done with a knife n not with ur love for me
i wonder i still believe that u might have some love left for me

im in search of the fake love, tht fake smile
the fake kiss to get my pain run over by guilt
there is nothin more hurtin n cruel that i can do to u
i hope then my love for u will kill itself inside me
so i wud be born again or die with it
memories to be burned, to be ashed n washed with guilt
wud it make me happier tomo than today
my search for happiness without u has been of vain
why am i cryin now n not when u left me
stop killing me from inside n take it away
put a bullet, bring the rain down on me
get it over, make it done n washed away

im sorry i didnt ask u to stay
im sorry im not around
u got me thinking wht i need to do for me
im just waitin to jump over the edge
waiting to see if i'd fly or wud i go crashin down
i don know wht i can do to stop myself feeling this wy
all i can do is just sit here n write my feelings
u cut deep inside me
not a cut to be stich back
1 in the mornin sittin here
with a drop of tear on the corner of the eye
listenin to good girl gone bad
n writing a dramatic expression of the pain in my heart