~ its been a while ~

been running too wild, far too long
its easy to say im just 22 for now
to say its just the beginning n not the end
for all i know nobody fits ma shoes
cos im the animal iam
there is nothin i can do about it
its goin to be the wilder
im search of my end with no destiny

hating to have let go of u
but i had to, now regrettin n weepin over it
time to wake up from this
let go of ma love let go of the pain
let myself be the stranger iam
hearts so cold like u say
takin ma mind of you

with no feeling no emotions
its all the doubts and gaps fillin between me n u
there is nothin that you can do now to fill the gap
wish i can let my soul fly from this body
close my eyes n go to rest for ever
could you grant me the eternal rest

i didnt ask to you love me
i was fine before you swept the ground i was standing on
this life doesnt have no justice
why is that everytime i love its got to be taken away
there is nothin in my life which is goin to make me feel better
words cant heal ma pain nor stitch it back like how it was
just left me back n packed ur bags n flew far away

u cant say anythin now to make it right
whtevers done is goin to stay as it is
where ever ur right now, ur love is gone
its just me alone here, there is nothin u can abt it
u cant ask me to be a better man
you've for me stranded me and trapped in your web
i cant seem to walk away, i keep circling back
would i ever know the exist to this
spending time alone thinknin abt u n me

love aint enough this world to make a relationship work
u need everythin else for the love to work
i did go crazy every second i think about
when u left me lovestoned
thinkin about you use to love me
i cant wake up everythin thinkin how we spent time
just aint right no more cos everythings too far back
too long for you to remember

can u give me back the nights thinkin abt u
wondering if u'd be thinkin abt me
everythin so still here while i see u move fast across me
u've left me no number left me no name left me nothin
why am i sayin it now wht i shud have told u wen u left me
nothins goin to change, nobody can rewind
its gone far too away for me to reach
and i still cant seem to find the close
end it all for me, right now right here
this is to since a year you walked away n let me go
and the years of pain its going to be

~ still ~

still alive.. without a reason. waiting for the ending...
would fate bring my end or wud it be my own self
i have nothin left in this world
i have pain and a lil happiness left this heart
the happiness only seems to be dryin away each day
before i turn back to stone take me away

~ lo$t again ~

everythin around doesnt mean anythin anymore
all i ever did was i loved you more each day
and it just wasnt enough for both of us
we parted away with a smile and tear in our hearts
today im here nothin but to love you still
you would never understand the love i had for you
each day passes by only with ur smile in my mind
ur fragrance still in my memory
all i wanna do is just to walk away from it all
but i cant seem to find the strength in my heart to do that
all i wanted to give u happiness
so i let you go
n today im so lonely n too tired to keep fightin
i cant fight no more, just too much of misery
im nothin but dead in my heart
nothin but pain
nothin but broken heart
wud it ever end
wud i ever get tht same love again

i thought i wud be over you sooner
but there is so much u dont know
so much i didnt i had for you
evrythin around me is so blur
everythin around me doesnt matter no more
all i want is ur love
which i wud never get again
why did i ever let u go
do i even know your happy
do i know the smile is not fake
am i being blind that you've moved on
im still stuck here with the love i have for you
tried to move on so many ways
i can only think just to forget everythin
everythin reminds about u
everythin around me reminds about you

what did i ever do to make u fall for me
n today im nothin but fallen
far too gone to come back
not this time, not again
just too lost n cant find my way
all i wanna do is end the misery im goin tru
no one can love me the wy u did
u filled the heart with so much of love
now its so heavy n i cant go on like this forever
take my pain away, take away the love you put in there
take away the memory, take away everythin u had
i cant do this anymore
i cant live everyday with a smile thats not for you
im jus throwin away wht i have today

all i wanted was to make you happy
wud i ever know that i made u happy
wud i ever get to see that innocent smile
wud i ever get to feel in my arms again
hate to ever think u just left just like that
u gave me hope, u gave me love
now you took it all way within a breath
before i ever even knew what i've lost in my life
the rainin aint stoppin filled with tears
this aint how we suppose to be
this aint wht we dreamed of
where did we lose each other n end up in misery
why cant i hate u n forget you
why cant i move on
why does my mind tell me u havent left me yet

i've tried to look for my way
end up with nothin but just ur memories
please tell me how do i end it al
end all this pain n love for you
am i payin the price for not loving only you
why did u even leave me alive
u shud have taken away my life when u left me
u took away the life in me n left only body
today i've lost my soul to you
goin gone for ever, like you wanted it to be urs 4evr.

~ stranded and hurt ~

would it matter im alone today
after dreaming about being with you
everythin turn so sour between us
there is nothin which i can go back to
i don want to sit around thinkin its goin to be ok
even though everyone seems to keep sayin it
no one can make me feel like how i felt about u
every sec i was with you
i made it to be wit you
tell me wht happened tell me where did we go wrong
tell me where did i go wrong
wishin that i had the answer to all the question in ma head
i know i wud never get an answer
its all rumbling inside me wishin i wud see u all those vanish
but time n luck is not on my side today
not today nor will it come back tomo

everytime i wish that wht we went through was a dream
it only comes back in memories of the times i had u with me
n today u belong to someone i cant even think in mind
it just gets hard so time, i feel only guilty all along
u made me happy like no other grl in my life
i aint tellin u now to make myself know wht it means to lose u
just another wy of lettin myself i lost somethin which never belonged
never looked a wy to slip through the back door
where did i go when u needed me
why couldnt u find me when u needed me like u used to
wht happened to we tell each other wht we want
why couldnt u ever talk to me at the end
was i so hard on u to walk away from u
i never asked u stay?
i never asked u to leave to begin with


u wanna think i been emotionless
u know nothin about wht i went through to get here today
i made myself for u, just never showed u myself entirely
u know the dark side of me, u know the downs i've been through
u sticked up as friend, wht happened now
was i too heavy to have u in ur heart anymore
everyday passes by wishin i had an end to the ache in my heart
it only keeps gettin heavier
tears just boil up in my eyes everytime i think about u
where did u go when u wanted me
why did u run away from me when u wanted to me
im not asking u back
i have can never have u the way i had u when i did
today is just another day without u
ur not here, not anymore
not even as a friend to talk when i want to

i miss the baby talk, the rants, the obsession
i miss the part of me which did crazy things just for u
everytime i wud just chuckle wondering why am this to u
just got the answer in a sour way
today i miss being in love with you
nothin can make it right ever again
i've packed my bags, damn its just too heavy for me
wht im today has everythin to do with you
i cant move on upackin u away
but i got no choice except to get up n walk with heaviness
why does love hurt to so bad
not as much it hurt everytime u wanted me to act as though nothin happened
i can play the nice guy anymore baby
it just too much right now

i run towards whts runnin away from
i run back when i see somethin comin my wy
why did i run into u n bump my head into urs
i still don get wht got me into u
its just crazy n ull never know how much yesterday means to me
its not only u whos cryin
u just aint here to watch me
ur times up with me
i wanna know i kept u happy
i hope u never shed a tear for me, cause i aint worth tht
hope u know how to fake a smile for ur today
i aint there no more to be ur baby boy
i cant make u laugh no more
i cant make u cry no more
i cant wish i had u in my arms
all i did was let u down today
u had wht it took to call it over when u know it aint goin no where


back to being the warrior, back to the field
all tht comes to ma mind is u
i cant take it out whts a cancer in me
eatin me lil by lil
if i do, i wudnt be who iam today
i never said, i never got to see ur smile
u didnt wanan c me when u got back
u didnt wanna know how im doing witout u
but why wud u wanna answer it now
never wanna dish u down
but all i do think wht we did n been through
am i ever goin to know to let it my past n walk away
it just tied to me i got no place to go
except the wrong way
this is not how i hoped it wud end
but it don matter now, walked away
kept walkin away from each other and that we did
not even look back to see for each other

no one can give me what u give me
the first time of being in ur arms
having the most beautiful angel whom wanted to be with me
wonder to myself wht happened now
im not worth no more for u to have stayed n fight
i didnt have chance to stand up n fight
i'd be under six feet under if we did
but tht didnt matter, i wanted to know atleast u wud fight with me to the end
guess the answer was no, the end u wrote on a call
u got let me go, u can hold me anymore
cause u got someone else to take care of u
even without ur choice u had to just walk into it
someone so strong i jsut wonder wht went where

all im doing right now is sitting here
writing how i feel about
its the fire of love, that burnin my heart out
i wish the flame wud go out
so all i can do is drink up for my pain
with a fake smile on my face
all its goin to take is a mistake
for me to take the step back to where i was
im prayin for the chance to get it over n get it done
even the curse of death doesnt like me anymore
like how it use to like me when i was with u
the love cannot be replaced my another
but just my action which can cheat on the love i had for u
waiting for the chance to give up on my life
i don have wht it takes to take it away
u cud have done with a knife n not with ur love for me
i wonder i still believe that u might have some love left for me

im in search of the fake love, tht fake smile
the fake kiss to get my pain run over by guilt
there is nothin more hurtin n cruel that i can do to u
i hope then my love for u will kill itself inside me
so i wud be born again or die with it
memories to be burned, to be ashed n washed with guilt
wud it make me happier tomo than today
my search for happiness without u has been of vain
why am i cryin now n not when u left me
stop killing me from inside n take it away
put a bullet, bring the rain down on me
get it over, make it done n washed away

im sorry i didnt ask u to stay
im sorry im not around
u got me thinking wht i need to do for me
im just waitin to jump over the edge
waiting to see if i'd fly or wud i go crashin down
i don know wht i can do to stop myself feeling this wy
all i can do is just sit here n write my feelings
u cut deep inside me
not a cut to be stich back
1 in the mornin sittin here
with a drop of tear on the corner of the eye
listenin to good girl gone bad
n writing a dramatic expression of the pain in my heart

~ walking away ~

everytime i dream about you, i sway my mind the other way around
thinkin it aint even right to feel the same feeling of holding you in ma arms
making me wish now that i had held u tighter more than often as we did
looked into ur eyes to tell you that i loved you
there is nobody else i wanted to spend the rest of my life with
with ur cuteness with ur anger with ur insecurity with your jealousy
its been time n more since the last time we even spoke

all it is to me is sweet memories
im where im i was last year except without you anymore in my life
shake my head in disbelief that a year has passed since we saw each other as lovers
thinkin about only makes me feel like a fool letting go of what i shudnt have
time n over i think to myself i shud have held to ur hands n asked u to stay with me

but there was no chance of that n no right i suppose
u always deserved someone better than me
i still dont know wht u saw in me, to make u think im anywhere close to being the man for you
there have been many a times i've asked you that n i never got an answer
im looking for the unanswered question in my mind to know that u knew wht u got into
rather than just another day in ur life
i hate to hurt to even ask u or say this, i never shud question if you love(d) me or not

today we've lost something we had over 3 years just over 8 months of relationship
i miss the baby talk, i miss listenin to you rant n rave about ur day
about how much you missed me, made me feel i was once worthy of having someone
guess time has answered my question of being worthy enough in ur world
i knew the ending before the beginning
carefull of not steppin ma feet into unknown waters
guess when i turned back to look i was long away from shore
gone too deep, too far into the point of no return

i dont understand how inbetween the begining n the end did i fall into this
all that comes to my mind is the sweet baby voice, the soft skin rubbin on my skin
that lost look in ur eyes, always looking for somethin when im around
i was never there to hold u when u broke down like i use to before
distance n space made each start walkin seperate paths in our lifes
when did we lose each other to other n finally away from the other

everyone say is just a guilt ride you wre on after we walked out on wht we had
but i never gave you up to anyone, even today i wudnt stand anyone trash talk to u
time has passed since i even wrote
the passion, the love, the pain, the hope, has been drained out of my days
today i walk with smile on my face with a scar in my heart
i can never hate you, i can never love you like i loved u again
today im just lo$t $oul who gave it all up cos he wasnt man enough to stand up for wht he wanted

sometimes i feel, how am i feeling alright, even after somethin which blew up in my face
right exactly when i knew it was going to, the drift, the hate talk, the silent treatment
i've done my mistakes, which makes me feel more than a fool to have done it
but everythin meant n counted i suppose
today there is nothin to go back to, only my walk lonely on a beach
when did we say bye to each other, i don remember anythin now
guess thats y i feel ur inside my head

i feel guilty everytime i look another person other than you
still that feelin is inside me even today
but slowly its fading away n which scares me most
how i was tryin to become a better person wen u wre inside me
today with everythin fadin away like yesterdays dream
the chains kept me in wraps have come off

i know that i would neve walk the same road i use to be walking
that which im clear, the promise i made you
there rest a dark fear inside me that i wud let you down, everyone who looked to me
there was blind trust n hope which i had in you
slippin n silding away, guess its just the part of lettin go
im lettin go off the the love n trust n hope of me becomin better

there is nothin i want to change now
how i feel now is just another drop of tear that you get to see, among other ppl who saw me broken down
today is about to be over, when its tomorrow, it wud be sweet dreams of yesterday
and the day after, the day following, n soon wud seem like far far away
all it meant to was everythin of yesterdays second
and everythin slipped away, nothin much the stain of tears in my hands
time to wash it all away, time to wake up from the dream
back to one day at a time in the life of a lo$t $oul

~ mia ii ~

im still alive. :)

~ mia ~

well not literally.. im almost miles n miles away from technology these days. with so many restriction to access even comment on a blog!! wud anyone believe that.. oh atleast i get to read the blogs :) hehe..

getting really busy with work, outta country and hating it as well. i guess its just completely business.. i mean literally business. things to do, deadlines to meet, reports, updates on trainees'.. wht not. no entertain wht so ever. biggest disappointment of all.. the whole team is married. they are bunch of nice ppl so far, but then again 5 ladies all taken.. pity me lord even lil bit. totally lacking any good lookin ladies here.. i mean literally.. no good looking ladies at al!! completely going insane..

then comes the all time question - "how old are you btw?" - and the comments...

mumbai chick ~ OMG ur younger than ma lil sis... (rollin eyes n big smile)

dark ~ hmmm ur the youngest of al!!

blonde ~ oh jeeeesss

wht can i say.. im too young to mingle ;-) only if it was colombo n i was using ma magic stick to work it like i work it...

ppl need to literally explain to me.. is it written on my forehead or somethin i've gf's more than the fingers they can use to count!?!? i mean come on.. give me break here.. i've slowed drastically over the months..(giving out one yr of my life for love) rest of it, from last yr april/may i think n till this yr right on easter.. n to now.. my luck on woman just dropped!! literally.. sheeez i wish i can wind back couple of yrs n enjoy all the hmmm hmmm... ;-)

well i just wanted to say hi to all the ppl who use to read or stils reads this boredom site.. im still alive but not kickin as i use to be.. :D

take care you'll... once i get back to civilaztion with no security issue assole who think they can control me.. >:)